Here With Me
by EuropeanDreams
Summary: One night can change your life. This night just so happens to occur on the day of Platt's wedding. Adam and Kim deal with facing each other as they celebrate another's big day. The decisions they make have ramifications on the future.
1. Chapter 1

AN: The title for this story is from Dido's song of the same name. It foreshadows what is going to happen in this chapter so don't listen to it if you want to be surprised. Also, let me know if you like it so I know whether to continue. For those of you that are reading my other story, this was what I was talking about when I said that Kim had her own story to tell first and she wasn't letting me finish We Are All Broken. Keeping that in mind this story comes from a different universe so don't get the two confused. Enjoy!

Here With Me

Adam did not want to be here, but he knew his absence would be noted. Not good to be on Sgt. Platt's bad side when she got back to work after her wedding. Adam walked down the aisle to find a seat next to Olinsky and Atwater in a pew about half way back.

The two men greeted Adam as he sat down. Atwater was scanning the church and had a perplexed look on his face. "Do you think there are any flowers left in Chicago?"

Adam smirked, "I doubt it. Guess Daddy came through after all." Adam turned to look towards the back of the church and felt all the breath leave his chest. God, she was beautiful. She always knocked him for a loop, but man, that dress was going to kill him tonight. Kim took Otis's arm and allowed him to escort her down the aisle. Mouch had given some of his firehouse buddies the job of ushers for before the wedding ceremony. Adam felt a huge wave of jealousy go through him since he wasn't the one escorting Kim. Otis walked Kim past the pew that Adam was sitting in and he heard Kevin let out a low whistle.

"Red. Damn girl looks fine."

Adam turned to look at Atwater and glared to show his displeasure at that comment. Kevin just raised an eyebrow and said, "What, homie? I got your back, but I'm just saying. Her dance card isn't going to have an empty slot tonight in that."

Adam could feel himself gritting his teeth. Tonight was going to be torture. Her image in that dress was going to burn itself onto his brain for months to come. He knew that in that moment it would not matter what happened to him in his next assignment. That image was never going to go away. The ceremony went as most weddings should with the added Mouch Platt touch. That meant that Mouch stumbled a bit over his lines and Platt stared at him like she was going to strangle him if he messed up. It was perfect. Adam shook his head as he and the guys watched the bride and groom leave the church.

The short drive to the reception gave Adam a brief time to regroup. Checking the seating chart told him, that he was sitting with the unit, and Kim had been seated at the singles table. Or the single firefighter's table from House 51. Guess he knew whose side Platt was on. Not that he had ever really questioned that one. Platt liked to give Kim a hard time, but in the end she cared about her.

Adam grabbed a drink from the bar and found his seat. Halstead raised an eyebrow, "It's a whiskey night, I see? Hate weddings that much, Ruzek?" Adam shook his head, "No, just the receptions when my ex fiancé is surrounded by single firefighters." Halstead looked over in the direction that Adam was staring and shrugged. "You know its not going to help if you keep watching."

Adam threw back the rest of his drink before answering. "I'm well aware." The music started at that time to announce the arrival of the bride and groom and Adam realized that any further drinking was going to have to wait till the announcements finished. There was not enough alcohol in the world to help him through this night anyway. Pain it was.

Kim had tried to enjoy dinner. Really. She had. I mean a table full of very attentive and very single firefighters should have been a dream come true for any girl. Apparently, she was not just any girl. The wedding ceremony had placed Kim in a hell of a depressed mood and she was trying her best to crawl out of it. All the wine she was drinking was probably not going to help that endeavor.

Earlier, she had been able to feel Adam's eyes on her from the moment she had walked into the church. She would be lying if she said she didn't like that. That it didn't thrill her a bit that she could still turn his head. It was the whole reason that she had chosen to still wear the dress she had planned to wear for him. He had said something one time about how she would look amazing in red. She was pathetic.

The whole crowd was now watching as Platt and Mouch had their first dance. It was sweet to watch Mouch wipe his brow before stiffly taking Trudi into his arms at the start of the song. Kim wondered what she and Adam would have danced to. Bad line of thought. Really bad thought. Kim only half heard a comment made by Otis about how awkward Mouch looked and she half smiled as the guys around her laughed. This was going to be a really long night.

The dance ended and the crowed clapped in polite happiness for the couple. The DJ opened the floor to the guests and started with an upbeat melody that seemed to be enticing quite a few. Kim could feel a tension at the table since it was completely filled with singles. Severide finally stood up and made his way up to Kim's chair. "Can I have this dance?" Kim figured the only way to get herself out of this mood was to take her mind off things and if dancing with Severide couldn't do it then she was hopeless. "Sure. I'd love to." Here goes nothing was the actual thought going through her head.

Adam's head was going to explode. If it wasn't bad enough to see Kim dancing with Severide from the moment the dance floor opened, Lindsey's comment just made it worse. "Good for her. He'll show her a good time." Adam's face must have shown his thoughts on that because Halstead very quickly removed Erin from the table and out to the dance floor. Adam once again knocked back the rest of his drink when he heard Olinsky clear his throat.

"You know, kid. You might want to watch that. Don't want to be hung over for tomorrow. Need to have your head on straight."

Adam had seen enough when Kim changed dance partners and was now seen in that new young paramedic/ firefighter's arms. What the hell was that kid's name?

"Don't worry, old man. I've got it."

Adam left the table and then made his way to the bar. He grabbed another drink and then headed for the terrace. He couldn't watch the show and he certainly was not going to dance. It was too early to leave without catching crap from the unit, so he figured he would take a moment to drink his whiskey in peace. It was too early for the smokers to be out there and the temperature had not dropped too much yet for it to be uncomfortable. He sipped his drink and he thought about how beautiful Kim would have been in white. How her smile would have lit up the whole room and about how badly he had screwed up his whole life.

Kim couldn't handle anymore. She made her way away from the dance floor and the party that was in full swing. Platt and Mouch certainly looked happy and had quite the event going since fire fighters and cops never turned down an opportunity to blow off steam.

She hadn't meant to leave Otis so abruptly, but all Kim could think about was Adam. What it would have been like to be dancing with him, what their day would have been like, and how much she missed being with him. She could hear in her mind the numerous sarcastic comments Adam would have made during the day. God she missed him.

Kim grabbed her small clutch from the table and made some excuse so she could head for the terrace. She needed air. Kim pushed open the door out onto the terrace and was initially relieved when she thought she had found it empty. She wrapped her arms around herself and could feel her eyes watering slightly. Taking a deep breath to try and control her emotions was only a mild help and that was when she noted she wasn't alone.

Looking to her right, she locked eyes with Adam. He had a glass of whiskey in his hand and the look on his face showed the same sadness and pain that she was sure was displayed on her own. Kim wiped her eyes while trying to not mess up her makeup and tried to straighten her spine. Her attempt to put her armor back in place wasn't working.

"Kim."

The soft breath that Adam said her name on was a knife to her heart. His next words as he placed his drink on the small table next to him was the twist. "This should have been us. I am so sorry."

Kim could feel the the gasping breath as a sob broke free of her chest. She tried to turn away, but Adam was there before she could. He pulled her into his arms and began to rock her while whispering into her ear. "I should have done a million and one things differently. And if I could go back and change them I would. I would do anything to have you back in my life."

Kim felt her hands grasping at Adam's suit coat to pull him closer. His one hand came up and cupped the back of her head before he whispered his final sentence into her ear. The one thing that was the sweetest pain of all. "I love you so much it physically hurts to be away from you."

As Kim's tears began to fade away, she pulled back and looked up into Adam's eyes. It was all too much. The wedding The reception. The pain. Her love for him. It broke her resistance. Kim reached up on her toes and used her grip on Adam's coat to pull his lips down to hers. She could tell that his initial surprise was quickly replaced with the want and need that she knew he always had for her. How they ended up in Adam's hotel room, she couldn't tell you. It was a blur. She just knew that once that door was closed it was about them. It was reconnecting. It was intense. It was heaven. Kim had never felt that worshiped before and she had never enjoyed a night of too little sleep so much.

As the morning light began to sneak small rays into the hotel room, Adam continued to watch Kim sleep from a chair not far from the bed. He had not been able to sleep, but contented himself on holding her till the time got to a point that he couldn't stay in bed any longer. He was going to have to wake her up soon, but he couldn't bring himself to do it, yet. Her brown hair was such a stark contrast to her light skin and the white of the sheets. He watched her lips part slightly as she seemed to be saying something from a dream and then she began to stir. He was going to have to tell her. Not many people knew but after last night he had to tell her the truth.

Her large brown eyes showed confusion initially when she opened them. Once she saw him, he could tell that her confusion wasn't clearing since he wasn't in bed with her. Taking a deep breath Adam dived right in, "I'm leaving for an undercover assignment today. I check in with a task force this afternoon. I don't know how long I'll be under."

After the words were out of his mouth, Adam realized that he probably should have eased her into the information. Kim began to sit up clutching the sheet to her chest and Adam tried to explain further. "Its a joint task force like what Lindsey worked on, but I am only going to be loaned to them for this assignment. Voight and Olinsky came to me about a week ago."

Adam could tell that Kim was still processing what he was saying, but what came out of her mouth was not something he was prepared for. "So what was this? A goodbye?" Adam got up from his seat immediately and made his way to her.

Kim placed a hand on his chest to keep him at arm's length, but he still managed his way to sitting on the edge of the bed. "No! I didn't think... I never thought you would even talk to me again. If I even thought there was a sliver of hope to fix us, I never would have taken this assignment. I..." Kim's hand began to slide down his chest as her anger abated slightly. Adam cupped her face in his hands and rested his forehead on hers. "I love you, Kim. I want nothing more in this world than to be with you. I just acted last night. Was it a form of goodbye? I don't want it to be that."

Adam could feel Kim's hands grasp onto his forearms. "I love you too. I just...what does this..."

Adam lightly pressed his lips to hers. He only needed to know that she loved him. "Kim, I don't know. I won't ask you to wait for me." He saw in her eyes that she was not happy with his statement, but he wasn't finished. "Not because I don't want that, but because I love you enough to realize that I can't ask you to put your life on hold."

Adam took a deep breath and then continued. "I would love for this to be a beginning. A new beginning, but I realize that I can't promise when I'll be back." Kim kissed him back and then she pulled back. "Be careful, Adam. Come home." Adam nodded and knew that she was asking him to leave. He got up and grabbed his suit jacket off the back of the chair he had been sitting in. He headed towards the door and turned back to look at Kim. "Take care of yourself, too. I love you." Adam walked out the door before he wouldn't be able to leave. He knew in that moment that he left a large part of himself in that room with her.

Post AN: I am now ducking all the imaginary objects that I would bet Burzek fans are now throwing at me. ;)


	2. Six weeks

AN: Hmmm...No thrown objects. Good. The torture can continue. WARNING: Spoiler alert. If you have not seen this week's episode, stop reading now and go watch it. Then you can come back and read this chapter. I'll put my comments in the after for my commentary.

Six weeks later

How long did she stay in that bed after Adam left? Kim couldn't tell you. She can just remember slumping back down under the sheets and trying to shut out the world. She knew that sooner or later housekeeping would discover her naked except for that sheet, but she didn't have the heart to care. The only thing that ended up pulling her out of it was the incessant ringing of her phone. She got called into work due to a hostage situation and they needed more patrol men to help. She remembered working that whole evening feeling like she was in an alternative universe. Intelligence seemed to continue to run like Adam had never been there and that just felt all kinds of wrong to Kim. But that was then.

Kim took a deep breath and tried to bring herself back into the present. Riding along with Roman on patrol had become a strain. Not horrible, but not great either. The tension in the car over the last couple of months was understandable since Roman had put her in her place. For her part, it was mostly due to embarrassment and it didn't help when he told her that she had no reason to be.

The kiss with him had been a mistake. Not that she had realized it at the time. She could feel her cheeks reddening slightly as she thought about the day after when he asked her to meet him for coffee. What she initially had thought might be a beginning of something new turned into something quite different.

"We have to talk."

The worst words anyone can hear. Before she could say anything or even hope to build her defenses to protect herself, Roman basically called her on her shit. Said he liked her a lot and that if they had met in other circumstances maybe something would have happened, but that they were partners and he had been down that road before. He also told her before she could even suggest it that being assigned new partners was out of the question for one reason.

"You don't really have feelings for me."

Kim initially had thought that he was out of his mind and obviously did not know what he was talking about. However, Roman began explaining how he knew this. He talked about how after Jen he had left him, he tried to pull her game and had latched onto the first safe, comfortable girl that he could. How he knew that Ruzek had shredded her and that he knew she was looking for something safe.

"A partner is about the safest thing in the world because you know that person has had your back and would take a bullet for you in a heartbeat. The problem is that it goes bad really quick when the safe person realizes that you are just trying to mend your own heart. I won't be the drama in the middle of you and Ruzek. Be honest, Kim. You like it. You like the fact that Ruzek gets all bent out of shape about me."

She hadn't been able to do it then, but looking back now. Yep. Pin a star on her chest and call her shallow. She had craved it. She hated that. The need for the drama. For creating drama in a relationship that didn't need it. Talking would have been such a better idea and might have saved her this separation from Adam.

Kim rubbed her eyes and tried to calm her stomach. She had been feeling queasy today. Figured that the tv dinner she had last night must have been bad and dredging up old stress was not helping.

"Pull over!"

Roman pulled the patrol car off the side of the road and parked it. Kim threw the door open and relieved her stomach out onto the side of the road. Closing the door and leaning back into the car, Kim could feel Roman's eyes on her. "You ok?" Kim could feel the sarcastic comment sitting on the tip of her tongue, but she held it back. She was not going to improve things by continuing to be defensive. "I'm ok. Just some bad food last night, I think. I'm good." Roman looked like he didn't believe her. She really didn't care.

Adam could feel the softness of Kim's skin under his hand. The warmth of her breath on his neck as she kissed that spot behind his ear that drove him crazy. He went to try and move his head to kiss her back and then heard a loud beeping that immediately brought him straight awake.

When Adam's true surroundings finally hit him, he was ready to punch something. Six weeks. It had been six weeks. Running his fingers through his hair and scratching at the beard he had grown while undercover helped slightly with shaking the fog from his mind, but it wouldn't help him deal with the longing that had settled in his heart. He would never call that night a mistake, but it was making it damn hard to be away from her. When he had initially agreed to take the undercover assignment, he had seen it as a chance to be someone different for awhile. A chance to try and get over Kim. Now it felt like a prison sentence.

Adam looked around his small studio apartment paid for by the task force and grimaced. He had about five more minutes of self pity to wade in and then he had to get to work. He had gotten a job working at a motorcycle repair place and his shift would be starting soon. Several of the other mechanics were members of the Highway Riders motorcycle club and Adam needed to get invited to meet more of them. He had been doing well and the guys had taken a quick liking to him. Invitations to the club's normal parties had come soon after Adam had begun work and their frequency had only increased.

The task force was pretty sure that once the higher level members met him that he would be placed on prospect status. That was the key. He needed to at least get there to get the information that the task force was wanting for the drug operation and then he would be out. He could get back to his life. Maybe even get Kim back. Adam picked himself up and started his morning routine. Time to put the mask on and place Kim back in that box in his mind.

Kim was laying in bed at home that night staring at the ceiling. She couldn't sleep. She kept thinking about how the 21st was keeping all information about Adam tight lipped. She hadn't heard even a blip off the patrol man gossip chain. His disappearance from the district had been noted, but most had just assumed he had transferred. Totally believable after the scene at the SGT's desk with her and Roman. Platt knew that Kim knew better and she had pulled her aside when she came back from her wedding and told Kim that Voight and Olinsky were the only ones that were even talking to the task force. To Kim that meant that she was not going to hear a word about how he was doing till he suddenly reappeared one day.

She hadn't told him that she loved him when he said good bye. Sure, she had said it before that, but when he said it to her before he walked out of the door she hadn't been able to respond. She had been angry. Sure. He drops a bomb shell like that and then expects her to deal with it in less than five minutes. So not going to happen, but she regretted that now. Now when she could lay in bed and analyze every minute of that conversation. She had kissed him back. She could remember that.

Kim lightly touched her lips with the fingertips of her right hand as if she was checking to make sure they were still there. The ghost of that kiss was still there. He had tasted like mint toothpaste and Adam. She covered her face with her hands and felt like screaming. So much time had been wasted. There was so much she wished she would have said to him that night. He had done all the talking. She had just taken it. Too shocked and too wounded to open her mouth. He needed to come home. They needed to finally really talk. To deal with their problems head on and heal. Kim reached for the book that was sitting on her bedside table and turned on the light. She wasn't going to be getting any sleep tonight, so she might as well keep herself entertained.

Post AN: Obviously, this is just one of my theories about this week's show. When I watched it, this chapter just kinda poured out of me. I know you can throw Kim's conversation with Erin back at me, but just because you have feelings for someone does not mean you elect to go there or that she loves Adam any less. Going with the other Lingess episode, "Love makes you do crazy things." Like kiss guys you probably shouldn't to feel better. Just my two cents. Take it for what it is worth. :)


	3. Three Months

AN: Ok, this chapter is long, but I figured you wouldn't mind. Am I the only person that is so looking forward to the Plouch wedding on Chicago Fire? Platt cracks me up!

Three Months

She could blame it on the red dress, but that would be a lie. She could blame it on the alcohol as well, but it would be the same dance. Dancing didn't help either. No, it didn't. Kim sat staring down at the white stick in her hand and tried to take deep breaths. Her whole life could change in a few minutes and she was thinking of a dress. I guess when you are dealing with a world of questions, focusing on something insignificant can help you pass the time without going crazy.

Kim sat the test down on her bathroom counter and walked out of the door to her bedside table. Picking up her phone, she set the timer and then began to pace her bedroom. If it was positive, she knew the exact night it happened. Who was she kidding? There was only one night to chose from and she had been reeling from it ever since. Just like she had been in denial for so long recently. Not wanting to deal with reality seemed to be a theme for her lately. That had to end now.

Kim tried to not stare at her phone from the other side of the room, but it was almost like it had sprouted arms and legs and was jumping up and down waving for attention. Why was she doing this alone? Maybe she should have called her sister. She would have understood and talked to her about what Zooey had been doing in school to keep her mind off things. Too late now.

Her closet door stood open and Kim could see the dress. The dress. When she'd put it on she had known that Platt's wedding to Mouch would be a life changing night. At the time, she had thought it would just give her some confidence to throw caution to the wind and dance the night away. That was laughable now. She had danced. She had tried to act like the wedding hadn't bothered her. Had tried to act like she didn't notice Adam's almost every move. Almost being the operative word. Stumbling out onto that terrace to get some air and then being greeted by the sight of him alone, was what started it. The look of pain on his face. That was what did it. The shared pain. The longing. Their continued love for each other despite everything.

The blaring of the phone's alarm brought Kim out of the image of Adam and back to the present. She walked with purpose to turn off the annoying device and then looked towards the bathroom. Nerves made her stomach turn. Didn't take much these days to do that anyway. Kim slowly walked into the bathroom and looked down at that white plastic stick. Oh God.

Kim walked into the 21st precinct and kept a death grip on her backpack. She went in the side entrance trying to keep away from Sgt. Platt's knowing eye. She was early and it would gather attention. Kim reached her locker and opened it quickly to deposit her pack. Closing the door, she tried to gather her strength. This conversation was not going to be easy. Kim checked her phone for the time and then made her way to the gates up to Intelligence. Olinsky stood on the other side of the gate and opened it without a word. Kim stepped through and then followed him up to one of the observation rooms. Shutting the door behind them, Olinsky turned to Kim.

"What do you want to talk to me about?"

Kim paced the room trying to figure out what to say. She could feel Al's patient stare following her along the room.

"We haven't heard from Adam. No news is good news, Kim."

Kim turned back to Al and knew the look she was giving him showed that she did not find that the least bit comforting. Taking one final moment to garner her strength, Kim whispered the words that made her situation a reality. "I'm pregnant."

Silence filled the room. Kim couldn't even hear Al breath. She saw in his eyes when he had finally processed the news. "Ok. Why are you telling me? This is a conversation you should be having with Platt."

Kim was ready to snap she was wound so tight. "It's Adam's." Olinsky pulled his head back like he was trying to do the math. "I know I'm coming to you a bit late. Lets just say I was living in the state of denial for awhile."

Alvin wiped his face with his hands. "I can't tell him, Kim. We aren't running the op. The task force is in charge. They only talk to him every couple of weeks. They wouldn't tell him anyway. I wouldn't tell him. He's in too deep now. They can't just pull him out."

Kim hung her head. Information she knew, but did not want to hear. "I know. I...I was just hoping that maybe you had been given a time frame." Kim finally looked up with the hope that she would be getting some kind of answer, but Olinsky's face quickly dashed those hopes.

"No. Just that they are closer, but that doesn't really mean much to me."

Kim covered her face with her hands and tried to keep herself together. A million questions and concerns were running through her head. Dropping her hands, she stared at the empty interrogation room through the glass. She just couldn't look at Alvin.

"It's been three months. How much more could they need?"

Kim could hear Alvin take his slouchy beanie off his head and then place it back on. It was the first time Kim could ever say that she had seen him make a nervous gesture.

"I had an op go for almost a year. As you know. That's how I ended up with Michelle."

Kim knew her large eyes told Al that he wasn't helping.

"I'm sorry, Kim."

Kim took a deep breath and told him the truth. "So am I."

She left the room and started to make her way back towards the locker room. Erin Lindsey was making her way up when she saw the look on Kim's face. "What's wrong?" Kim shook her head and made her way past the girl friend she needed but not at that time. She knew if she stopped to talk to Erin that she would lose it and she still had more difficult conversations to have. Kim had no idea how she got back to her locker without being stopped or questioned, but she knew she had to get dressed and talk to Platt. Oh God. She so did not want to have that conversation.

"Did you take the test? What's the plan?"

Roman's concerned voice just made Kim's stomach turn. She ran to the back bathroom and relieved her troubled stomach. Leaning back against the cold metal of the bathroom stall wall was the only relief that Kim was going to get that day.

Adam shifted his body to take the turn in the road and could feel the hum of the Harley beneath him as the bike responded to his movement. Riding the bike was probably the one thing that he was actually able to enjoy lately. It was a bubble. A moment in time when he could slip back into his own mind and breath. No one was talking to him and he wasn't having to try and convince someone that he was a different person. He could just be. Those moments had been few and far between.

He had achieved his initial goal, but that hadn't made his task as easy as he thought it would. He had finally been invited to prospect for the gang and that had opened a door of demands on his time that he still could not believe. Meetings with his handler had become difficult. The last two he had missed due to the gang requesting drug runs or back up for whatever gun buy. He had been lucky enough to make the backup meetings or the whole op would have been blown for nothing.

Adam's skin felt raw from the cold air making it around the collar of his jacket. He was heading towards a chop shop with four other members of the club to buy some guns from a local trafficker. It was suppose to be a simple exchange. The last two he had been to had gone smoothly, but Adam knew that it was only a matter of time till one of them went bad. He had found himself feeling like a gambling man. Rolling the dice and praying that events turned out fine. He wasn't sure how much longer his luck was going to hold out.

The things that can trip you up undercover are sometimes the things you don't think to worry about. Adam had thought that the drugs would be a problem. The club loved to party and alcohol was not the only thing they liked to do. However, the gang had not batted an eye when Adam had told them that he only dealt the stuff. Bad business to use your own product. That had satisfied them.

It was the girls that had them raising an eyebrow initially. The fact that Adam hadn't tried to sleep with a single one. That was odd. When he first got questioned, Adam had just brushed it aside that he hadn't seen anything that interested him. That answer had only worked for so long. Adam's mind had to think quickly when one of the elder gang members was ready to purchase any woman that Adam would want.

He heard Olinsky telling him that sometimes in undercover you have to add a bit of truth to deflect when need be. He told the man about Kim. Of course not all about her, but the part that was true and he could use. He had an "old lady" back home that he was trying to save money to move her to Chicago. That she was it for him and he wasn't going to do anything to mess that up. The man had told him that she wouldn't know, but Adam had assured him that he would. Adam remembered the slap to the back that he had received and could still hear Tiny say, "Your a better man than I am." Adam cracked his neck as he saw the chop shop coming up ahead. Game time.

Kim walked into the coffee shop that she had promised Erin she would meet her in after shift. Looking around she saw Erin wave her over from a table in the back. She had two cups of coffee already waiting. "Don't worry. Yours is decaf."

Kim allowed a tight lipped smile grace her face as she went to sit down. "Olinsky told you." Erin nodded to confirm Kim's suspicion and squeezed her hand.

"He didn't have much of a choice. I saw your face and knew something was up. How are you doing?"

Kim could feel her chest expand as she tried to control her emotions. "I think I'm still in shock. Platt put me on restricted duty so I spent all afternoon processing traffic accident reports."

Erin pursed her lips before responding, "You know that's not what I'm talking about."

Kim wrapped her hands around her coffee cup and leaned forward slightly. The warmth from the cup seeped into her hands and she tried to put into words how she felt. "I'm scared. Excited. Worried. Sad that Adam doesn't know and won't know till he comes back. I have so many emotions going through me right now. I can't process it."

"I hope you don't mind me asking, but I thought you guys still weren't talking."

Kim could feel her cheeks turn bright red since her mind naturally started to think about that night. "We talked. Some. Platt's wedding."

Lindsey chuckled, "I knew you two had disappeared around the same time. I wouldn't let Platt find out about that." Kim put her head in her hands. "That's all I need. The conversation was bad enough this morning. She actually asked me if it was an immaculate conception."

Erin raised an eyebrow. "You know she only does that to get a reaction out of you. She actually came up to the unit and asked Voight about Adam. She's looking out for you. Said that if we need you for research or anything else that doesn't require field work to just ask. Mouse is happy to know that he might be having some company in the future when we are all out."

Kim nodded. "What has Voight told you about Adam?" Erin looked like she was debating something, but finally decided to answer. "Not much, but I can tell that he isn't happy with something. I can't tell if its that he isn't running it himself or if he isn't getting the information he wants. I know Adam's handler should be checking in with him in a couple days. That's all I know."

Kim took in the information and tried to find some kind of silver lining in it. "You know that I can't promise you that he will be fine. But what I can say is that Adam is one of the best of us. Al knew he could handle this. Knew he was the only one that could do it." Kim smiled as best she could, but she knew that it was only half hearted.

Adam fell into his bed almost fully clothed. At least he had taken his boots off. He was beyond tired from riding all day and trying to keep himself one step ahead of the action. He had some leeway while undercover, but Adam would be lying if he said that he didn't lose sleep over whether some of his actions were appropriate. Adam wiped his face with his hand and continued to stare at the ceiling. He knew in that moment what Kim would tell him. She'd tell him that he was doing the best he could with the situation he was in. That's all he should worry about. That and getting home in one piece.

The problem was knowing how much longer he had. His handler was going to have to answer that question. The task force originally had only been focused on the drug deals for prosecution, but when they found out that the club was also running guns and a prostitution ring, the task force suddenly became quite vague about what the end game was.

 _I won't ask you to wait for me._

God, why had he said that. Why couldn't he have been more selfish. She was his end game. Its amazing when you give up life as you know it how it puts things in perspective. Al kept telling him to get his priorities in order. Well, he wasn't going to like where Adam's priorities were now. His job was now far below trying to win her back. If she would even let him. Man, how he wished he knew what she was up to. Did that time together mean as much to her as it had to him? He had done most of the talking, but did she feel the same way?

A couple of days later, Adam made his way into the diner when he was suppose to meet Steve. Steve was with the FBI and had been designated as his handler by the task force. Adam ordered breakfast and coffee and waited for the guy to show up. Sitting at the bar, Adam watched the short order cook get started on his food and the waitress busy herself with his coffee.

Adam felt Steve sit down next to him without having to really look. Adam had developed a sixth sense as to who was around him over the last three months and he wondered if he would ever lose it when he was done. "How are you doing, Adam?" Adam shook his head. "Ok, Man. Can you give me any idea as to what we are looking for at this point? I would think you guys would have quite a bit on the wire."

Adam had been wearing a belt buckle that contained the wire that the task force had been monitoring during the drug and weapons deals over the last month. The plan was for him to stop wearing it soon and just go to a tracker for the next four weeks since he was pretty sure that they were going to be patching him in. Couldn't risk the wire during that process.

"Just keep doing what you are doing. We need you patched in and at the club meetings. That's where we will get all that we need to take them down." Adam shook his head, "You know that most of those meetings are still held in code. Is that really going to be enough?"

Steve ordered a coffee to go from the waitress and left enough money on the counter for both of their orders. "We'll let you know. Might have to line some things up, but we will have a better idea once you are in. We want to kill the beast. Not just maim it. The locker will be replenished for you to keep up your drug trade. Just leave a note if you need anything else."

Steve got up and left the diner with his cup of coffee like that was all he came in for. Adam took a deep breath and wondered if he had made the biggest mistake of his life.


	4. Four Months

AN: I hope you all like this chapter. I debated about this chapter some, but finally decided that I liked if for this time period. I'm kinda doing snap shots right now. Brief moments in time. I'm sure by now, you have all figured out the naming of the chapters. Or have you?! LOL!

 **Month 4**

Kim was exhausted. She made her way into her apartment and plopped down on her couch as soon as she got to it. She was amazed at how tired she was feeling. It also didn't help that she was emotionally worn out after dinner as well. That had been a hurricane of emotions. Kim had enlisted Olinsky to contact Adam's Dad, so she could sit down with him. Sitting in the diner waiting for Bob Ruzek to show up had been nerve racking, but the second he had slide into the booth the man had a smile on his face and Kim immediately felt a little better.

"Kim. Its so good to finally meet you. Adam told me so much about you."

Kim looked down and tucked some of her hair behind her ear. She had expected something different. Anger. Suspicion. She was Adam's ex fiancé even if they were on better terms at this point. Kim finally got the nerve to look back up and decided to get going.

"Its nice to meet you as well. Um...I know you probably find it odd that I wanted to talk with you."

Bob reached across the table and stopped Kim by placing his hand on top of hers.

"Kim, Alvin and I have a much better relationship than the one I have with Voight. He said that you had the best of intentions and that you and Adam had begun talking again before he left on this assignment. I don't find it odd at all. In fact, I am looking forward to getting to know you. Adam isn't typically very generous with his girlfriends. Its like pulling teeth to get him to bring anyone home. Was there some other reason you wanted to meet for dinner?"

Kim felt slightly sideswiped by Bob's statement and as she went to try and respond the waitress came up to take Bob's drink order. Once the waitress had stepped away, Kim went to speak, but Bob beat her to the punch.

"How's working out of the 21st been going? Adam said that you have been working there since the Academy."

Ok, so Adam had told his father quite a bit about her.

"Um. Its good. Been a bit slow for me lately due to being on desk duty, but otherwise I love it there."

Bob looked at her with concern, "Oh dear. Did you get injured on the job? I always hated having to be put on light duty when my back would go out after chasing a perp."

Kim gulped. Here was her opening. "No, I'm not injured. I'm actually. Well, Its why I wanted to talk with you or I wanted you to know. I'm pregnant."

Bob just stared for a second and then the biggest grin spread across his face. His smile reminded Kim so much of Adam.

"Kim. Are you telling me that my son is going to be a father?"

Kim nodded her head because she knew if she tried to speak that she was going to cry. Bob placed his hand back on top of Kim's again and gave it a squeeze.

"I am so happy for you both." Bob's smile faded slightly. "They haven't told him have they."

Kim knew it was a statement of fact and not a question, but she shook her head no anyway.

"Well, Grace and I are here for you if you need anything. Don't hesitate to ask. I'll let Adam's mother know as well, but I wouldn't expect much from her. This is wonderful news, Kim!"

The rest of dinner went well with the two of them learning more about each other and comparing notes on what Adam had said about each of them. Bob asked if Kim had an update on his son. She hated to tell him that Adam had only just been patched into the club and that it meant he would have to be under for longer. Despite that, Bob was certainly excited for his future grandchild.

Kim's own mother was also excited, but she also expressed concern about how Kim was going to handle the responsibility on her own. Kim had to remind her mother that she was not going to be alone, but she also understood where her mother was coming from. She had raised both Kim and her sister while working two jobs and hearing that your future grandchild's father was on an undercover assignment with an undetermined return date was not comforting.

Kim placed her hand on her stomach and could feel how her body was changing. Most of the people at the 21st had no idea why Kim had been placed on restrictive duty. The rumor mill had some pretty wild ideas, but most of them had focused on the car accident she and Roman had been involved in about two weeks before she had taken the pregnancy test. Apparently, back pain was what most of them thought was the problem. Kim had chosen to allow them to believe that.

Looking down though, she realized that she wasn't going to be hiding it much longer. Kim stood at this point and walked to the full length mirror in her bedroom and stood to the side to see if she could tell. At this point, she could see it, but she knew those less familiar with her body wouldn't notice the change. Adam would know. The thought made her smile and her heart ache at the same time. She rubbed her stomach lightly and sighed. How was Adam going to react to this? She had asked herself that question numerous times. She was pretty sure he would be happy. Sure, they would both have a lot to talk about and work out, but in the end she could not imagine having a baby with anyone else.

 _I love you so much it physically hurts to be away from you._

She held onto those words. Words spoken in the quiet solitude of that terrace off the reception. Words that could have just as easily come from her lips. Kim closed her eyes and said a silent prayer that where ever Adam was that he was safe and that he was doing everything that he could to come home.

Adam was jittery from all the coffee he had drank that morning just trying to sober up to meet with his handler. However, he could not blame it all on the coffee. The night before had been an absolute shit show and he was sweating bullets waiting to talk to Steve.

Adam was sitting in a back booth for a change of scenery and to be less conspicuous to the other patrons. Adam knew he looked dangerous. His longer hair and the thick beard were bad enough, but you add jeans, a cut, and a leather jacket to the mix and he was surprised anyone even looked him in the eye. He'd also gained about fifteen pounds of muscle. Between riding and lifting with his new friends, Adam hardly recognized himself anymore.

Steve slid into the booth and eyed Adam. "What up? You got the wire ready for the next meeting?"

Adam gritted his teeth. Of course he did, you damn bastard.

"Yes, but we have a problem."

Steve leaned back in the booth like nothing was amiss. Thank God the man had gotten smart and had started to dress somewhat similar to Adam to help blend in.

"What's the problem? Everything seems to be going on schedule."

Adam just glared. "We had a shoot out last night with the Angels. I couldn't exactly not defend myself."

Steve shrugged his shoulders. "Don't worry about it. If the ballistics come back on you, I'll deal with it. You're still carrying the gun we gave you, right?"

Adam nodded, but he knew that the guy was not getting it. Adam had no idea if he hit anyone, but the fact that he was even in that situation was eating at him. The guys he was defending and backing up were no better then the ones firing at them. Adam also could not get over that his job was to stop these types of things. Not be a part of them. He was just thankful that it happened out in the middle of no where and not in the city. Adam could feel his burner phone buzz and he pulled it out and checked the text.

 _The cake arrives in two hours. Meet at the house._

Adam shut off the screen and looked back to Steve.

"I got to go. Another deal is going down. I'm expected. I need an end game, man. I can't keep doing this in the dark as to what you are looking for."

Adam left the diner and hopped on his bike. He had no idea how he was going to deal with this. Her voice came to him as he was leaving the parking lot.

 _Adam if it wasn't you in that truck, he would have done it anyway. Then we would have no idea who was involved._

Shit. He hoped she was right and that he was doing the good work and not just justifying his actions.

Kim walked up the steps into Intelligence and handed a stack of files to Mouse. Whatever case Intelligence was working on required a bunch of files from previous homicides that went back some twenty years. Kim guessed Chicago must have a serial killer and the unit was closing in.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT?"

Voight's booming voice had all the heads in the room swiveling in his direction.

"I just want an update on my officer. You tell that Steve Whatever the hell his name is to call me back the second he gets in."

Kim's stomach dropped. Mouse took Kim's hand and squeezed it. Kim looked down and she knew her worry was written all over her face.

"I'm sure he's fine. Delays in notification don't normally happen when something bad has happened. Trust me. Army, FBI, Police. Its all the same. We would know."

Kim took a deep breath and went to turn away to head back down the stairs. Her mind was telling her that everything was okay, but her heart was all kinds of screwed up.

"Burgess."

Kim turned back and saw Voight waving her towards his office. Oh God. Not now. She really did not want to talk to him unless he had something concrete to tell her. She didn't want to deal with platitudes and false promises. Kim walked into the office and Voight motioned her into a seat.

"I'm sorry you had to hear that."

Kim waved Voight off.

"Don't worry about it, Sarg. Not your fault."

Kim really hated the look Voight was giving her right now. Like he was assessing whether or not she was getting ready to jump out of her skin.

"It occurs to me that I haven't congratulated you yet."

Kim shook her head. What?

"A baby is a blessing. Not something we typically get to enjoy in a unit like this much. I'm happy for you both."

Kim coughed as her breath got stuck in her throat. That was so not what she was expecting to hear from him.

"Thank you."

Voight chuckled slightly at her obvious surprise.

"You are apart of this family, Burgess. You've been working with us so much leading up to this you might as well have been assigned. If you need anything, you don't hesitate to ask. Understand?"

Kim nodded since the sincerity in Voight's voice was making it hard for her to speak. Voight's phone rang and he picked it up. Kim went to stand to leave, but Voight was suddenly gesturing quickly for her to stay.

"Agent, It's so nice that you finally decided to return my call. Give me an update now."

Kim waited as Voight listened to the man Kim assumed was Adam's handler. Kim moved to the edge of her seat when she saw Voight's face turn red.

"How much longer are you going to leave him in there? ...That's not an answer. You remember what I told you before. So help me if you are jerking me around. Yeah. Ok. You better not be late calling me next week."

Voight hung up the phone and Kim waited. Voight place his hands in the prayer position and leaned his forehead into them for a second before turning his attention to Kim.

"Adam was apparently in a shoot out last night with a rival gang. He's fine. Shaken, but fine."

Kim closed her eyes as if she could even shield herself from news like that.

"He's fine. However, they are still trying to get more recordings that they can use on the club. They still don't have a time table for when he gets done."

Kim looked down and bit her lip. This was torture. Kim stood because she was still on the clock and she needed to find something to do. Something to take her mind off the what ifs of her life right now. She left Voight's office before he could say anything else and headed down stairs. Roman was making his way past the desk with his new trainee from the academy.

"Burgess, how's it going?"

The death glare she gave him must have been convincing because Roman quickly steered his new partner away from the desk.

"Are those hormones already going to your head, Burgess?" Platt was taking staples out of some paperwork so her focus was more on the paper than on Kim.

"I really don't think you want me to answer that."

Platt finally looked up. "No, I don't. I'm guessing the news Voight got today about Pretty Boy doesn't include his return date."

Kim squeezed her hands into fists to try and release some of the tension. "No, it didn't." Platt nodded and then directed Kim back to the desk behind her. Kim got back to work and was glad that Platt decided to give her a wide berth for the rest of the day.

Post AN: I'll be away from the computer for the next several days, so I won't be able to update. Do not fret. I will attempt to update as soon as I have returned. The next chapter is basically written. It just needs some sprucing up. :)


	5. Month 5

AN: I am smiling so big over the reviews I am reading. You all know how to keep a girl motivated. One note of warning. Be careful what you wish for. That is all I will say.

 **Month 5**

Kim was sitting at Adam's desk in the Intelligence bullpen working on a laptop trying to compile some financials for a case that the team was working on. It was boring tedious work, but absolutely essential for the case. Mouse was looking at traffic cameras and trying to decrypt some hard drives so he had been more than grateful to have her help. Kim was honestly happy to be doing it. As boring as it was, it kept her mind occupied and not overanalyzing her future. Kim was so focused that when Erin put her hand on her shoulder, she nearly jumped out of her chair. Erin smiled down her apology.

"Sorry. Don't you have a doctor appointment to get to?"

Kim looked up at the clock and cursed. She was running late. She hopped up and went to grab her coat. Putting it on, she made a mental note that she was probably going to have to get a new one in the not to distant future. It was already getting snug so she could just imagine what the coming months would bring. Kim could feel Erin waiting near by and looked back in her direction to see what was up.

"Have you decided if you are going to find out the sex?"

Kim stilled in her movements since this very question had been bouncing around in head for the last few weeks as this appointment had loomed closer. She had been so torn on this. Part of her didn't want to find out as long as Adam didn't even know about the baby. It felt almost wrong in a way or she just felt guilty. He was already missing so much.

"No. I don't know. I thought I might just ask the doctor to put it in an envelope and if I decide that I want to know or I can't wait any longer then...you know. I have it."

Erin smiled and looked like she had an idea that she just couldn't contain any longer.

"Sounds like a good idea. But... if you decide you do want to know. How about you let me know? We can get the group together at Molly's or something. Do a reveal. We could even have Adam's family come. That way you have a part of him with you."

Kim smiled and nodded. Erin had been the rock that Kim desperately needed through this. She had lost track of the number of times that Erin had showed up on her doorstep with ice cream or take out in hand. Kim knew that it was a veiled attempt at checking up on her, but she had found herself grateful for those nights. They had helped to keep her sane.

Adam walked into the tattoo parlor with Tiny and the two other prospects that had recently been patched into the club. It was time. That was how Tiny had put it. The three of them had paid their dues and now it was time to take that pledged allegiance one step further.

Adam realized in that moment how far on the other side of this assignment he was. Hair could be cut. Beards could be shaved. Clothes could be donated or thrown out. A tattoo was going to be a permanent mark. Sure he could laser remove it, but he knew his body would always know that it had been there.

Tiny placed the club approved designs in front of Adam. He would be going first. Tiny had seemed to take a liking to Adam and had made it his mission to pull Adam into all the deals and activities that he was managing. Adam's brain tried to make a rational decision in a completely bizarre situation. Looking at the different HR designs, he finally pointed to the one that he could live with for now. It was a motorcycle done in a tribal style. The HR for the club was imbedded in the wheels, so Adam figured that if he ended up keeping it he could always get it filled in.

The tattoo artist motioned Adam to a table and asked him where he wanted it. Adam motioned to his right shoulder blade area on his back. Adam took off his cut and shirt and laid down on the table. The artist began to maneuver Adam's arm, so he could get a feel for how his skin was going to move and affect the look of the tattoo. "I think I'm going to angle it, Man. Will make it look better." Adam just nodded his consent.

He couldn't believe that his first tattoo was going to be acquired with so little excitement on his part. He had considered it before, but had never been attached to a design enough to take the leap. Oh well. The buzz of the needle starting up told Adam that he once again was to far to turn back on this job. As the sting of the needle began to mark his skin, Adam allowed his mind to go far away. He drowned in the vision of brown eyes since for him, she was his sweetest pain and greatest sanctuary.

Kim sat on the examination table and waited as the technician began to set up the ultrasound machine for the doctor. The cold air in the examination room was raising goose bumps on Kim's arms. She so was not looking forward to that cold gel that she knew the doctor would have to use but also couldn't wait to see the baby. Kim rubbed her arms and could feel her nerves at what the visit would show. She was doing everything she was suppose to, but a little fear was always in the back of her head that something would be wrong.

A knock at the door signaled that the doctor was ready. Dr. Holliday stepped through and immediately smiled. Kim liked Dr. Holliday. She was gentle and kind and didn't ask questions about why the father wasn't there. Kim had no idea how to answer that one. "Ok, Kim. Are you ready?" Kim could feel herself nodding her head and she laid back on the table. Pulling up her gown to allow the doctor access to her stomach, Kim braced herself for the cold gel and felt herself jump slightly upon contact.

The doctor was moving the wand around and adjusting things on the monitor, but then there he or she was. Kim was still not use to it. She bit her lip to try and keep her emotions in check, but then the speakers began playing the baby's heart beat and Kim could feel the tears streaming down her cheeks. God, she was so blown away and in love with that tiny life already she couldn't stand it. The doctor smiled gently and assured Kim that everything was looking good.

"Would you like to know what you are having?" Kim wiped her tears away and relayed her request.

"I'd be happy to. Lets see if I can tell first. They can be shy sometimes."

Kim laughed. She needed that. Adam's kid be shy? She highly doubted that.

"Ah. Ok. I'll be able to write it down for you. No question."

The doctor took the wand away and handed Kim a tissue to wipe up the gel. Once she was situated and sitting back up, the doctor handed her two things. The envelope with the gender and a picture from the ultrasound. Kim couldn't identify all the emotions going through her at that moment. It was just all too much.

Adam was now walking around looking at all the tattoo options posted on the walls of the parlor. The sound of one of the other guys cursing up a storm was an annoyance that begged for the distraction. Apparently, that guy had no tolerance for pain or needles. Adam shook his head and continued to browse. He had plenty of ideas now if he ever decided he needed more. Knowing the club, this probably would not be his last trip here.

Adam shoved his hands into his pockets and then leaned back against the wall to wait. The sting from his right shoulder blade didn't deter him. He shifted slightly, but otherwise didn't move. Tiny came up and stood next to him. The man's burly frame made Adam wonder where in the world he had ever gotten the name Tiny.

"If I had known that guy was going to be such a wimp, I never would have voted for him."

Adam just smirked. Tiny probably didn't vote for him. Adam knew better than to take anything that Tiny said at face value. "Hey, some guys just can't handle a little pain."

Adam could feel Tiny assessing him. "True that. Seems to me that you've handled your fair share of pain. Barely even flinched. The shoulder blade can be a bitch."

Adam shrugged. He really didn't want to admit that he had almost embraced it. It told him that he wasn't completely numb. Tiny chuckled at Adam's non answer.

"Ok, tough guy. Looks like the cry baby is finally done. Lets get out of here and get drunk. I feel the need for a bender."

Adam silently cursed. Tiny always felt like a bender. If Adam ever got out of this, he was going to need a new liver.

Kim got back to the district and was once again working on the financials for the team. She had placed the ultrasound picture on the desk, but the envelope was still in her purse. The damn thing was practically burning a hole through it. She was thinking about it so much. She paused in her work and decided that she didn't want to take it home with her in case the curiosity became too much. Kim went to place it in Adam's desk drawer. Big mistake. Right there on the top of numerous papers in his right drawer was a framed picture of the two of them at the riverfront. Adam had his arm around her and they both had the biggest smiles on their faces. If she remembered correctly, Atwater had taken the picture when they had all gone to some festival in the spring. She could hardly take her eyes off of it as questions began to form in her head. What features would their baby have of him? Of her? She finally looked up at the ultrasound and then back at the picture. She didn't hear Olinsky come up behind her till he spoke.

"He'd want you to enjoy this, you know."

Kim looked up at Al still holding the envelope in her hand.

"He'd rather be here. I know that. But, I'm also pretty sure that he would want you to find out. That kid would never be able to wait, so why should you."

She stared after Olinsky and tried to process what he had said. She could hear some truth in his statement. That made her decision for her. She wanted to know. She couldn't handle thinking of the baby as an it. Hearing his or her heart beat made this baby all the more real and she wanted to be able to tell Adam when he got back. Erin was sitting at her desk working on some overdue paperwork and didn't see Kim make her way up to the front of her desk. Erin finally looked up and zeroed in on the envelope in Kim's hand. The smile on Erin's face showed that she knew this was coming. Kim handed it over but didn't release it when Erin went to take it.

"I want some say in the party. No games. Just food and something simple."

Erin nodded. "No problem." Kim let go of the envelope and guessed that she was in for quite the party. No matter what Erin said.

 **Two weeks later**

Kim walked into Molly's on a Sunday afternoon and was shocked at the transformation. There were pink and blue streamers everywhere and balloons tied in bunches at the tables. Erin and Gabby were hanging a sign as Halstead was placing a cake on the bar. Kim could feel tears in her eyes and that was about the time that Erin saw her. "No tears! This is a happy occasion. I will not let you cry."

Kim shook her head and dabbed at her eyes with the pads of her fingers. "Good luck with that. My hormones make me cry at commercials. I cried the other day at that cookie monster commercial. Not because it was funny, but because the poor thing couldn't wait for his cookies."

Gabby began to giggle from her ladder and then held her hand up in apology.

"I'm sorry. I actually love that commercial. It makes you cry?"

Kim nodded her head and then heard the door open behind her. Turning around Kim watched as the whole unit began to make their way into Molly's. Atwater was carrying several bags of food which Kim imagined had been home made by his mother and from the looks of things he had enlisted everyone to help him bring in the goods. Kim's sister and Zooey made their way in not long after them. Zooey ran at full speed to wrap her arms around Kim's legs.

"Auntie Kim! Mom says that we get to find out whether my cousin is a boy or a girl today. Is that true?"

Kim smiled and pulled her into a hug.

"Yes, honey. You get to find out today. What are you hoping for?"

Zooey scrunched up her face as she thought and then smiled. "Girl."

Kim tickled her niece and smiled at her antics. "What if it's a boy?"

Zooey finally got out of Kim's reach and crossed her arms. "I guess that would be ok."

Kim laughed and watched as her sister wrangled Zooey over to Atwater who was waiting to give her neice a small goody bag that Erin had made for her. Kim straightened up to see Adam's father and step mother come in the door. They had been so great the last few months. They would call and check in and had offered to help out once the baby was born. This child would not lack for babysitters. Adam's mother, however, had been MIA. Kim did not have the heart to ask Bob Ruzek what was going on with that, and from the occasional conversations that she had with Adam she was not surprised.

Kim was amazed at all the love and happiness that filled that gathering and she actually was able to enjoy it for the most part. Until the moment of truth. Erin had set up a box that she told Kim held balloons in the color of the baby's gender. All Kim had to do was open it. That was the easy part. The whole group was standing around as Kim opened the box. The light blue color floated towards the ceiling and Kim's heart clinched. It was a boy. Kim made eye contact with a teary eyed Bob Ruzek and she could feel the tears stream down her cheeks. Erin came up beside her and pulled her into a hug. "I said no crying. He'll come home and he will be so happy to have a little boy." Kim held onto Erin and prayed that she was right.


	6. 6 Months

AN: Wow! All those reviews were awesome! Well, you get a bit of an answer to some of your questions here. Maybe. I could be lying. Or should I say Steve could be lying. Just read it and see. Let me know what you think! I finally figured out how to put in the horizontal lines for change in point of view. Still learning how to format here.

 **Month 6**

Kim was once again up in Intelligence helping Mouse catalogue a whole warehouse full of weapons into their system. They had been working for hours and Kim's back was ready to scream. She finally leaned back in the chair she had been in and tried to relax. Platt came walking in the door and eyed Kim.

"How's the cataloging going? You need food. We are getting ready to order."

Kim took the menu that Platt handed to her and started to look for what sounded good. Over the last several months, Kim had learned that the difference between craving and aversion could switch quickly. She had finally made her selection and went to lean forward when she felt it. It was a flutter and then a distinct kick. Kim's sharp intake of breath had Platt by her side in a instant.

"You ok, Burgess?"

Kim's hand immediately went to her stomach and she could feel her smile spread across her face.

"I'm fine. I..I just felt the baby move. That's all. Surprised me."

Platt eyed her and shrugged. "That it? Good. Didn't want you going into some kind of premature labor on me. These circles what you want?"

Kim nodded her head and couldn't expect much else from Platt. As the desk SGT walked away, Kim could see Mouse raising his eyebrows in her direction.

"So baby Ruzek is moving in there? Do we need to take a break?"

Kim laughed. "He's moving. I'm good. If he is anything like his Dad, he was actually complaining that we stopped." Mouse smiled and brought over the next weapon for Kim to enter into the system.

* * *

Adam felt like his skin was covered in ants. But being itchy and hyped up was the least of his problems. Sitting in the diner, waiting was frying his last nerve. He had been up for over two days due to gun deals and picking up product. The club had also decided to have a lock in due to a new threat from the Angels. A bounty had been put on Tiny's head, so the whole club had taken shifts on guard duty to protect the club house over the last week.

At some point during all that, he thinks one of the members slipped him some Aterol at the least. Coke at the worst. He thought the drink the guy had handed him had just been a Red bull or a Monster in a bottle. He'd dropped his guard for one second.

Steve walked in the door and Adam could tell by the look in the guy's eyes that he was worried about him. Adam was pretty sure that his eyes were bloodshot as hell. Steve slide in the booth, but had lost his laid back persona.

"What the hell happened to you?"

Adam rubbed his eyes and then leaned forward onto his forearms.

"I was locked in the club house for the last week working security and I'm pretty sure that I'm going to piss hot on my next drug test."

Steve shook his head. "Don't worry about that. The task force won't let the CPD piss test you for at least a month after the assignment is done. It was part of the deal. We knew this was a possibility. I'm actually impressed it took this long."

Adam placed his head in his hands. He couldn't deal with much more of this. He looked back up at Steve and finally asked his usual question, "How much longer?"

Steve shifted in a way that Adam knew he was uncomfortable. "I don't know. The recordings you have gotten have been good, but they want more. The brass got all excited when they realized that you guys are planning a ride with the Detroit charter."

Adam sat back in defeat. He swore he was never getting out. Six months was a long time. Each day he felt pieces of himself were getting chipped away. Steve cleared his throat.

"Look, check the locker tomorrow. I'll have something for you. Something to get you through to the end." Adam shrugged. "Whatever, Man."

Steve tapped the table like he was debating whether or not to leave, but then he got up and made his way out. Adam picked up the glass of water and began to chug the last half of it. The cool liquid soothed his throat, but did nothing for his head.

* * *

Kim and Mouse were now back at his computer in the bull pen running the weapons through the CPD database looking for any hits on recent crimes. They watched the program scroll through number after number with the occasional pop up that they needed to verify. The rest of the team was working on various activities that kept a steady hum going in the room.

The loud buzz of the security gate opening and the sound of two sets of footsteps going up the stairs caused everyone's heads to pop up. Sgt. Platt was escorting a man that was relatively clean cut but dressed in jeans, a leather jacket, and motorcycle boots. His neatly trimmed hair had obvious indentions from what looked like a ball cap or some kind of helmet. Kim and the unit watched as Platt escorted the man straight to Voight's office. The whole room stood captivated as Voight's door was closed by the man and Platt began to walk back towards the stairs.

"Sarg, who is that?"

Kim couldn't help it. Platt looked back towards the office and then to Kim.

"A friend."

Platt walked away without another word. Kim tried to look back down at the computer screen, but kept finding herself looking back up at Voight's office. The man looked distressed. He kept running his hand through his hair and moving the jacket he had taken off from hand to hand. Voight suddenly got up and opened his office door.

"Alvin, Burgess. A moment."

Kim knew then what her subconscious had been telling her. This was about Adam. Voight shut the door behind the two of them once they had entered.

"This here is Agent Steve Lancaster. He's Adam's handler."

Kim nodded and went to take a seat. She was not shaking that man's hand. Not unless he was telling her that Adam was coming home. Steve shook Olinsky's hand and looked at Kim. She could see the conflict in the man's eyes and what looked almost like an apology.

"I was telling Voight, that we are really getting close. The task force is looking to do a bust in another two months or so when the Detroit chapter comes into town. They would get pretty much every ranking member of the Highway Riders if we can time this perfectly."

Kim dropped her gaze and cursed under her breath. That was way too long. She swore up and down that the fates hated her. Olinsky cleared his throat and moved into Steve's personal space.

"What is going on? Why are you here? Cause if everything was going smoothly, we wouldn't be hearing a peep from you."

Steve backed up to try and gain back some space from Olinsky's death glare.

"Adam is doing well, but he is showing some minor cracks. I was hoping to get something from y'all. Something innocuous I could leave him in a locker that he could hold onto from his prior life that had some meaning to him. A connection to your unit or to you, Kim."

Kim finally looked at the man since he had said her name. She hoped her absolute distain for the man showed in her eyes. Voight finally chimed in, "I told him I had no idea what we could give him. I figured between the two of you. Maybe you could think of something."

Kim could feel Olinsky's eyes on her and she sighed. "Give me a second."

Kim knew what she needed to give the man, but she just didn't want to do it. Sure she would have loved to give the man the ultrasound picture sitting on Adam's desk, but she knew he would never give it to him cause Adam would blow his cover in a heartbeat to get to her and the whole op would have been for nothing.

Kim stood in front of Adam's desk now and took a deep breath. After having found the picture of the two of them the month before, Kim had tried to not let curiosity get the better of her. But she failed miserably and she'd paid for it, too. Tucked in a small box in his center drawer had been the biggest sucker punch to the gut.

Adam had left his small metal dog tag chain behind. The chain had been something Adam had worn to remember his cousin and it meant the world to him. Its presence had not surprised Kim since Adam would have had to leave any kind of identifiable materials behind. No, what killed Kim was what he had added to the chain.

Looking into the box now, the light caught the diamond and the two plain bands that sat next to it. He had added her engagement ring to the chain and apparently at some point had bought their wedding rings which were also there. At first, Kim had tried to tell herself that they were someone else's bands. Till she read the inscription on the woman's band.

 _You are the reason - Adam_

Kim held the chain in her palm and fingered the band for a second before shutting the drawer and heading back towards Voight's office. As she stepped in, she realized that she was going to have to remove the dog tag and began to try and work the clasp. Her hands were shaking and they only stopped when Olinsky placed a light hand onto hers.

"I'll take care of it."

Kim released the chain to Olinsky and realized that he must of known about it. Olinsky handed the modified chain to Steve. Kim could tell that Steve was a bit uncomfortable holding something that was priceless in value. "Are you sure?" Kim shook her head and then walked over to Voight's desk. She grabbed the stack of post it notes and wrote a quick message. She handed the note to Steve. "Leave that with it. He'll know."

* * *

The next afternoon, Adam found himself at the train station heading for all the rental lockers. They used one to make drops of drugs, ammunition, guns, or for Adam to leave information when he couldn't make his assigned meetings. Since the lockers were the ones that you deposited coins for the key, Adam would have to go get it. The key would be left in the men's bathroom in a lock box hidden in the ceiling tile over the second stall. Had been tricky a couple times for Adam to get it. He would occasionally run into the stall being occupied, but today had run smoothly.

He headed to locker 254 and initially was disappointed at seeing the normal stack of oxycontin pills and batteries for his wire. Till he caught a glint out of the corner of his eye. Looking up, Adam felt his breath catch in his throat and his heart clench. Hanging from the center coat hook was his chain and Kim's ring was flashing rainbows as the sun hit the stone. Steve had been to the precinct. The florescent pink of a post it note caught his attention next as it was posted on the hook.

 _I love you. Come back to me._

It was Kim's handwriting. He would know it anywhere. Adam gently pulled the note down and held it like it was gold. He pulled his wallet out of his back pocket and placed it inside to keep it safe. She was waiting for him. There was still hope for the future he wanted. That would be the only reason he could think of for her to give Steve that chain. He grabbed the chain and put it over his head. Getting it under his shirt and jacket took some work but he could feel the cold metal against his chest and it felt like his world centered a bit. He finally grabbed the pills and batteries and shoved them in the back pack he was holding. Turning away from the lockers, Adam could feel that he was standing a bit taller and knew that if he had to get through two months...He would do it for her.


	7. Seven Months and Counting

AN: Trouble? Adam get in trouble. I would nev...well. Would I? Define trouble. Lol! Two months? Would I really keep him away for two more months? Well,...Just keep reading and find out. Loving the reviews! They are the coffee fix to keep my writing mojo going!

* * *

 **Seven months and counting**

Kim could hear Erin and Antonio talking about her. If they thought they were being quiet about it, they were only kidding themselves. You would think she was deaf and not pregnant. The bull pen was big but it wasn't that big and Erin's voice was quite distinctive.

"We need to order food. Like thirty minutes ago. She's looking a little pale, right?"

Kim watched out of the corner of her eye as Antonio began to look in her direction.

"I could go for some food. I think you are right though. Where did we put those menus?"

The loud banging of desk drawers being opened and then closed caused Kim to just shake her head. She was once again sitting at Adam's desk researching financials for their current case. Some big shot banker thought he could get away with killing his wife for the insurance money, but the trail that Kim was finding was really going to make that difficulty. She sighed and that's when Atwater spoke up.

"Hey homies. Quit searching. I got this covered. And quit acting like the pregnant one can't hear you. I guarantee that if you keep it up she is going to find that Nerf dart gun in Adam's desk and she is going to use it on you. I was her partner. I know these things."

Erin and Antonio froze what they were doing and actually had the gaul to try and look like they had no idea what Atwater was talking about. Kim chuckled. She had found that dart gun three months ago. They had just been lucky that she hadn't felt the need to use it. Yet.

* * *

Adam got up from the chair he had been sitting in. The club meeting was now over and they had the whole ride mapped out and planned for the next month or so when Detroit got into town. The meeting had strangely reminded Adam of planning assaults and undercover ops with the Intelligence unit.

He had found it easier the last month to keep himself together. Whether it was the light at the end of the tunnel or the fact that his chain was back against his neck, he wasn't sure. Probably a combination of the both. Adam had just made it out of the meeting room when Tiny wrapped a large muscled arm around Adam's shoulders.

"We're heading back to Mickey's so Tex can finish his ink. You coming? That thorny vine shit on your back still needs finished."

Adam nodded his head and was relieved when Tiny released his hold. Adam couldn't wait to see the task force throw a hiss fit over his expense report when he got back. Hundreds of dollars over the last two months on tattoos. Yep. Sorry, Suits. They could choke on it.

Adam's upper back was now covered with the "thorny vine shit" to help connect the bike on his right shoulder blade and the celtic cross on his left. It wasn't really a vine. It was more like tribal scroll work that did well to connect the two pieces and make them look like they were done as a single piece. Adam had been impressed with the artist's job. At this point, Adam was keeping the whole thing. Just like he had promised himself a bike when this was all done.

The assignment had changed him and he had made peace with that. To deny that would only make transitioning back that much harder. Adam placed his helmet on his head and started up his bike. Following Tiny and the rest of the crew out of the parking lot, Adam could feel Kim's engagement ring scratch at his chest a bit. Not everything had changed. No, his love for her was still there. He'd have to take the chain off without drawing attention to himself. Should be easy enough when he took his shirt off.

* * *

The unit suddenly heard the gate open up from down the stairs with its distinctive buzz and metal clanging. Platt's voice could be heard like a trumpet heralding someone's arrival.

"Head on up, Mrs. Atwater. Kevin and the gang should still be there."

Kim looked over at Kevin and his big smile lit up his face. His mother's voice carried up the steps before she could be seen.

"Kevin, where is my Kimmy? I got her food here. Your brothers have the food for the rest of you."

Kevin jumped up and met his mother at the top of the steps. He went to take the bag from her but she just shooed him away. She spied Kim and made a beeline for her. Kim went to stand up and Mrs. Atwater pulled her into a bone crushing hug.

"Oh, Kimmy. Sit. You are looking pale, child."

Mrs. Atwater dropped the large reusable grocery bag on Adam's desk and then preceded to start unloading her tupperware on it. Kim could hear her stomach growl the second she smelled the baked chicken, sweet potatoes, and you name it she lost track cause her whole body just wanted to eat what she was smelling. Kim felt herself melt into her chair and then saw a fork appear in front of her face as Mrs. Atwater handed it over.

"Eat up, darling. You need to feed that baby. You are way too skinny."

Halstead was looking down at the food he was given and then at Kim's spread.

"So I guess I need to get pregnant to get a desk full of food, huh?"

Mrs. Atwater glared at Jay to a point that the detective backed away and sat at his desk.

"If you can get pregnant, I'll cook for you. Otherwise, back away mister. Kimmy, needs to eat. Kevin! "

Atwater turned in his seat and looked to his mother.

"Do not let this one wait this long to eat again. Understand?!"

Kim watched Atwater assure his mother that he understood.

"Ok. Your job is to take care of her while Adam is gone. He'd do the same for you, right?"

Atwater shrugged his big shoulders and had a look on his face that said he really didn't want to refute his mother, but he couldn't help it.

"Momma, Adam can't cook."

Kim laughed and cut in before Atwater's Mom could retort.

"Sort of true. He can make a really good fettucine alfredo. Everything else is horrible, but he would order takeout like no ones business."

The whole unit laughed and Kim felt Mrs. Atwater kiss the top of her head before she left the team to their lunch. Kim realized in that moment that she had a family that would do anything for her in a heartbeat.

* * *

Adam made his way into the diner and saw that Steve was already there waiting for him. The man was drumming his fingers on the back of his booth like he was trying to be patient with waiting. You would have thought that Adam was running insanely late when in reality he was maybe fifteen minutes behind schedule. Adam sat down and got a look from Steve that screamed, "Where were you?"

"Dude, I'm only fifteen minutes late."

Steve shook his head. "Try an hour. Remember we changed the time." Adam cursed. He had forgotten that they had changed the time to try and avoid anyone following them or picking up on a pattern.

"Sorry man. I forgot. I got stuck with the club anyway. This was the earliest I could get here. Here."

Adam tossed a thumb drive across the table. He had been creating the route map and documenting the security measures for the ride over the last several days. Not much had changed at the club meeting so the information was pretty accurate.

"The only thing that might change is the starting point. The club is still debating where they want to meet up with the Detroit chapter to help escort them in. I marked the best choke point to try and round them all up. The date is still in the same ball park, but the start time... I don't know. Still up in the air."

Steve was rolling the thumb drive between his hands as Adam could tell he was thinking. Finally, Steve smiled.

"Ok. Just call me when you get confirmation. I'll have the task force on stand by for the whole week before and after. That way we won't miss this opportunity. You're almost there, Adam."

Steve got up out of the booth and slapped Adam on the shoulder as he passed by. Adam grimaced as his fresh ink pained him. That damn ride could not come soon enough.

* * *

Later that night, Kim was sitting on the couch at her place with Erin trying to relax. However, Kim's mind was not really getting with the program. Worry and what ifs were dogging her tonight.

What if the task force was wrong? What if Adam didn't get home before the baby was born? How was she going to explain a screaming baby to a man that just got back from living with a biker gang for God knew how many months?

What about their living situation when he did get back? Did he still want his own place or would he suddenly want to move in to be closer to the baby? Would she want him to move in? She knew he had given up his apartment when he left and put all his stuff in storage, so it was a valid question.

What about the nursery? She needed to get that going. She kept putting it off and now she was starting to think that she might not get it done before she needed it. She finally looked up from her glass of water when Erin cleared her throat.

"What's wrong, Kim? I just told you that I booked a trip to Mars for next week and you didn't even blink."

Kim sighed and looked at Erin.

"I guess I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to do this. I'm starting to believe that Adam isn't going to be back before this little guy gets here. I know they said that he would be done next month, but I don't know if I believe them. And when he does get back, how in the world do I explain all this?"

Kim emphasized her last statement by pointing to her stomach. Erin smiled tightly and shrugged.

"I don't know, hun. I can't imagine what you are going through. You know that we are all here for you. Just ask and we will make it happen."

Kim raised her eyebrow. "Bring him home." Erin shook her head.

"Would if I could. Would if I could."

Post AN: Short. I know. However, look at it this way. Short chapter now means a doozy of a chapter next time. What could that mean for our lovely couple? Good? Bad? I'll never tell. :)


	8. Eight months, three weeks and two days

**AN:** Sorry for the delay. My laptop decided that it was time to bite the dust. Or I should say that the screen did. I am quite sad since it is the one that I prefer to write on. I luckily had this story and the new one I have been working on saved in other areas. Small favors. I have had to spend the last few days trying to fix some performance issues with a Windows based laptop so that I could try and post this. And then got a migraine. Have I mentioned that I loath Windows. On another note. I am also devestated to hear that if Castle has another season that Stana Katic will not be returning. What the hell?! Anyway. I hope you enjoy the chapter. Or well...I hope you appreciate the journey. Happy reading.

* * *

 **Eight months, three weeks and two days, but whose counting.**

Boom! Kim jumped at the sound of something falling down back in the nursery. She finished grabbing the last bottle of water and hurried to see what was going on. The scene before her once she made her way to the doorway of the nursery was quite the site. Erin was doubled over laughing as Halstead was standing next to a partially put together crib looking like he was trying to figure out what happened. One side of the crib that Kim had bought was now laying on the floor and Atwater was just shaking his head.

"Bro, I told you that isn't how it goes together. Move over and watch an expert at work."

Kim smiled and handed a bottle of water to Erin as Jay threw his hands up in the air.

"This should be easy. I've put furniture together before. What the hell?!"

Atwater picked up the fallen side and placed it back where it should go. "Homie, don't sweat it. It took me all day to put the first one together for my cousin. My Mom sat there laughing the whole time. Watch."

Kim leaned against the door frame and just watched as Atwater taught Halstead. Erin had finally composed herself and came to stand next to her. "Adam probably would have been hopeless with this, right?"

Kim shook her head. "No, actually. He and Kevin went over to his cousin's house and put together a whole room in a couple hours one weekend. His Mom's family is Irish and apparently quite large."

Erin looked confused. "I thought you were upset about the family not getting together."

Kim sighed, "I was upset about him ducking my Mom and about not getting to know his parents. Surprisingly, he was pretty open with introducing his cousins and extended family. I guess I should have focused on that."

Erin rubbed Kim's back as Atwater got the final screw in place. He stood up straight and moved the side panel up and down to test it out to make sure the previous incident didn't happen again.

Turning back around, Atwater smiled. "All done. The changing table going in here to?" Kim smiled and nodded. She was about to move out of the door way so Jay and Atwater could go get the box out of the living room when she heard knocking on her front door. Erin patted her on the shoulder, "I'll get it."

Kim watched Erin head down the hallway and then spied the bag that was sitting next to her. She picked up the bag of baby clothes that Bob and Grace Ruzek had brought over the day before and decided that she should probably go ahead and wash them since she would have a dresser to put them in that evening. She heard Lindsey talking at the front door and made her way towards the hallway with the bag. Kim's mouth dropped open when she saw that Voight was standing in her door way.

Kim kept a death grip on the bag as she walked to the door. Erin turned when she heard Kim approach. The somber looks on their faces scared Kim to death and Erin quickly shook her head.

"Adam's fine."

Erin pulled Kim into a hug and then pulled back to look at Voight. Kim could see in Voight's eyes that there was something else.

"I'm sorry, Burgess. I gotta take the crew from you. Something has come up."

It wasn't what Voight said in so much as it was how he said it. Kim looked to Erin and then back to Voight.

"It's Adam. Is the ride tonight?"

Kim could feel Erin rubbing her back again. As if she could sooth her at this point. Voight nodded slightly to confirm Kim's guess. Kim could honestly say that her mind felt like it just stopped working. It might be over tonight. Oh God, please protect him. Erin began pulling Kim to her living room and got her to sit down on the couch. When she finally got her mind wrapped around the fact that this whole thing could be over, she saw Erin kneeling down in front of her waiting.

"We're going in to back up the task force." Voight went to say something to stop Erin, but she just glared at him. "She has a right to know. She's not going to freak out. They called Voight this morning saying that Adam had called in and gave a 24 hour window. We were kinda hoping it would happen after we were finished here, but I guess not. Did you call anyone?"

That last question was directed at Voight. "Yeah. She should be here any moment. Trudi is going to sit with you while we are gone." Just as he said that someone began to knock on Kim's door. Voight left to answer it and Erin got up and put a hand on Kim's shoulder. Halstead and Atwater, having heard the conversation going on, had stopped their work and were now standing in the living room.

Kim couldn't stand the looks on all their faces. It was as if they were feeling bad that Kim couldn't go with them and apologizing for lying by omission all afternoon. Voight returned to the living room with Platt and Mouch right behind him. Platt looked like she was about to say something when Mouch placed a tender hand on her arm. He had been good for Trudi. He seemed to know that sometimes a comment was just not needed. Voight looked at the members of his team.

"Ok. Lets go bring Adam home."

The group left while all placing a hand on her shoulder as they went by. Kim heard the front door shut and that was when she felt her whole body begin to shake and the tears started. It was here. And she had no idea whether to be relieved or scared out of her mind.

* * *

Adam had woken up that morning with purpose, or more like it, the excitement of a man getting ready to get sprung from jail. Calming down was not in the cards. He had barely slept a wink that night and the added caffiene intake was not helping with his nerves. He kept going over and over in his head how things were suppose to go down. The whole route was memorized backwards and forwards. He had the taskforce's plan memorized in much the same fashion. He was so close. Going into the bike shop that day for his scheduled shift was agonizing. The menial tasks of doing work on the bikes was good to keep his mind occupied, but trying to joke around and continue to act normal was hard. The thought of seeing Kim and the unit again was the only thing keeping him focused. He knew he needed to be more careful. Even Tiny had noticed something was off with him. The big man had sat down next to Adam during their lunch break and dropped his big paw of a hand on his shoulder. "Didn't peg you as the type to get nervous over a ride? What gives?"

Shit. Adam had really thought he had been doing a better job of keeping his nerves in check, but then again he had been spending an awful lot of time around Tiny. The big man had probably picked up on a few of his nervous habits.

"Its not the ride, man." Adam racked his brain for a reason and went to scratch at his chest to stall. The feel of his chain moving across his chest gave him his out. "It's Kim."

"Your old lady. What about her? Am I ever going to meet this chick?"

Adam laughed. The irony in Tiny's question just made Adam smile.

"Maybe. She's coming here. Finally, got enough money to convince her to come to Chicago."

Tiny had bought it. Or he had at least let Adam get away with the excuse. Getting out of work that afternoon and heading to the club house had given Adam his chance to drop Steve a quick line about the approximate start time for the ride. The meet up point with Detroit was still up in the air. That was going to be determined right before they left. It would require an update call from their fellow chapter members as to what kind of time they were making. Traffic affected everyone. Even bikers.

Adam did his part during the club meeting and reviewed the route with everyone. In the back of his mind, he was even reminding himself of his own plan. The one the task force had created for him. When they went to round up the club, Adam would need to peel off from the rest and head down a side alley that would be his only escape route. Steve had assured him that CPD would be down that alley and they would be waiting for him. Adam had a tracker on, but with so many bikes and vehicles it would be hard to single him out. It was a plan, but that was all fine and good till the take down actually happened.

The club president finally signalled the meeting to an end when he got off the phone with the Detroit president and they all headed outside. As Adam was strapping his helmet on, Tiny relayed the actual location for the meet up before heading to his bike. It was time. Adam was amazed that it was finally here. Pulling out and onto the highway, his bike felt like it was part of him and just as excited to have this whole fiasco over with. The first part of the ride was like they all went for Adam. He enjoyed the wind in his face and the freedom it created as the world rushed by. Freedom. So strange that he could actually have that while still amongst this group. The engine hummed along and adjusted as Adam down shifted to slow down when they got closer to their destination.

Pulling off to the side of the road to wait was the worst part of his day. The waiting. Patience had never been one of Adam's virtues, but Al had trained him well and he kept his cool. It was still dusk so the crew could see for a couple of miles up the road. Not that they would need to. The sound of twenty bikes finally making their way up the road was all the announcement they needed. Adam couldn't help but smile with the rest of his club. Yep. Keep coming suckers.

The Detroit chapter pulled off to join them and got off their bikes. Introductions and greetings had to be exchanged and Adam found it surreal. Maybe they should have just taken them all here, but that was an impossible plan. Fifteen minutes down the road would have to do. Tiny motioned Adam over to be introduced to the Detroit president and then to the guy's SGT at arms. Adam kept telling himself to just keep it together till they got on the road again. He was almost done.

* * *

Kim kept glancing back at her cell phone as she folded the baby clothes that she had just finished pulling out of the dryer. She had decided that she needed to keep busy if she was going to survive that night. Mouch, of course, had no idea how to help her but busied himself with completing the changing table that Kevin and Jay had left behind half completed. Platt kept asking if she wanted tea or something. Kim finished with the last article and picked up the laundry basket to carry into the nursery. Platt followed her into the room and wordlessly began to help Kim place the stuff in the drawers.

"Have you picked out a name?"

Kim was startled by Trudi's question. She wasn't sure why she was, but for whatever reason it had not been one she had expected.

"Um. No. I just can't. I won't. Not until he's home. It's his son. Adam should have a say in that."

Trudi nodded at her. "That's good. Though I'm pretty sure having a boy is going to go to that kid's head."

Kim felt the laugh bubble up in her and the tension release some. God love Platt. Kim smiled back to Trudi and was about to say something when Platt's phone rang. Kim straightened up the clothes in the drawer a bit as she waited for Trudi to answer it and when Platt suddenly grabbed Kim's arm she looked up into Trudi's haunted eyes.

* * *

It had all been going so well. Introductions had been exchanged and the two presidents had elected to take the lead. Adam was happy to to take up the rear with some of the other members. Tiny was somewhere in the middle with an old friend from his Army days which suited Adam's plan. The further away he could get from that man the better. For the first time that day, Adam suddenly felt bad nerves. His nerves earlier in the day had been due to excitement. Like a kid on Chistmas morning waiting for his parents to wake up so he could open his presents. These nerves were due to the unknown. Due to what could happen. Adam swallowed them down and tried to focus on what he could control and where he was. They were about two miles out. Adam knew the exact location of the take down and he could see some of the familiar landmarks begining to pop up. Looking down a side street as they went, Adam caught the blurred vision of what he would bet was the clean up squad for the task force. The group that would be shutting the door behind them when they hit the upcoming road block. Adam continued to keep pace with the guys around him, but then he saw it. The two presidents had just seen the large SWAT vehicle and were trying to turn around in the highway. Adam's blood turned to ice in his veins. It was a good half mile ahead of where he had told them to be and gave him very little room to get to his escape alley.

As with all big groups, changes in direction do not happen quickly. Particulary, not with a group of at least forty. Adam began to break to try and make sure that he was going to make his escape route when all hell broke loose. Apparently, neither chapter was going to go down quietly. The biker's immediately behind the two president's began to open fire at the task force blocking their way. Adam watched as the presidents got back into the central protection of the club and then with horror as the task force fired back. Adam's escape route had effectively been cut off due to the gun fire. Tiny pulled up next to him and was waving violently for Adam to turn around and head for a side alley. It was in the opposite direction from where Adam needed to go. What choice did he have? Heading for his escape route was certain death with all the cross fire. Adam's best shot was to get arrested with all the rest. As Adam turned his bike around and began to accelerate away, fate made a different decision for him. There would be plenty of blame to go around for what happened. You could blame it on the SWAT vehichle being a good half a mile in front of where it was suppose to be. You could blame it on the higher ups for being too greedy and wanting to attempt a take down of this magnitude. In the end, all plans are great till you actually implement them. Adam felt the bullet rip through his right shoulder and knew he would never be able to continue to control his bike. His right arm proved useless as a second stray round punctured his back tire. The bike went down and Adam felt the excruciating snap of his left ankle. The road began to rip at his jeans and his leather jacket as his head hit the pavement. And the whole world went black.

 **Post AN:** I swear I didn't do this because of the migraine. I promise to try and post again soon.


	9. Eight months, etc but whose counting

AN: Me? Kill Adam? Nev...Well, would I? Read the chapter. Its a nice long one for you. I was going to cut it in two, but took pity on you. This is the first chapter that actually has a part that is not from Kim or Adam's point of view. Consider it a bonus since I probably could have cut it out, but felt like it would have been a scene on the show if that's what this was. Hope you enjoy!

* * *

 **Eight months, three weeks and two days, but whose counting Part 2**

Loud noise. Flashing lights. Pain. Yelling. The pop of continued gun fire. Adam groaned as he began to come to and then he felt a deep throbbing hot pain shock his whole system awake. His bike was still laying on his left leg and the pain from it was what had jared him awake. His right shoulder was also radiating shooting pains down his arm and he knew he probably couldn't move it. Wouldn't know if he didn't try. Adam went to get his leg out from under the bike, but the pain from his right arm and his pined leg made that impossible. He was going to need help.

He could still hear the roar of the bikes and the smell of rubber. "GET YOUR HANDS UP!" Adam did his best to show that he was unarmed as a FBI jacketed group surrounded him. His head was now pounding, so trying to get the words out that he was an undercover was difficult.

"BACK OFF HE'S ONE OF US. GET UP THE ROAD AND GET THOSE GUYS."

Suddenly, Adam saw Steve come into his field of vision. He could feel the suit assessing his injuries and then calling to get an ambulance to his location for a fallen officer. Adam could feel the darkness trying to take him again. He grabbed Steve's jacket to try and pull Steve down towards him. He had a message for Kim. Just in case. But that was when his strength gave out.

* * *

Brett and Jimmy came flying out of the ambulance the second they got to the scene. Jimmy had never seen anything like it. There were downed motorcycles everywhere and the FBI and ATF were like swarms of ants as they apprehended suspects. The call they had received was for an injured agent, but if you asked Jimmy this guy looked like a biker. "What do we have?" The FBI man stood up and immediately got out of their way.

"He's an undercover. Make sure he gets priority."

Jimmy held his tongue. The guy was acting like he ran this whole operation. Brett was already trying to get a line into the guy as Jimmy began checking his vitals and other injuries.

"I bet he has a broken leg and that's a gun shot wound to that right shoulder. God knows what's going on internally. Lets get him collared before we move this bike."

Jimmy began waving the guys from 51 over to help him and Brett get the board and collar in position. The second the bike was gone and the crew had Adam secured on the board, Jimmy continued to bark out commands to Brett and Gabby. Dawson had manifested next to his shoulder and had immediately began grabbing packing material to try and stop the bleeding out of the patient's right shoulder.

"Lets get him on the rig. We got to get him to Med now."

The three of them popped the stretcher up and ran for the rig. Casey was yelling at Dawson to go with them and Jimmy was amazed at how fast Brett had the rig moving once he and Dawson were in the back.

"Brett go fast, but try to keep us steady!"

Dawson looked at Jimmy as she was continuing to put pressure on Adam's shoulder.

"Don't lose this one."

Jimmy could barely pay attention as he was splinting Adam's leg better and trying to cut off his shirt and leather jacket to get a better look at his injuries.

"I don't plan on it. Like with anyone else."

Dawson was now trying to put pressure on a cut on the patient's head at the same time she was still holding his shoulder.

"He's not anyone. Its Adam Ruzek. Burgess will kill you if he dies."

* * *

Kim had no idea how fast Platt could drive when she needed to. The second Trudi had grabbed Kim's arm she had known that all was not well. They had absolutely no information as to Adam's condition. All Voight said was get to Chicago Med and he would tell them more then.

Kim was trying to stay as calm as she could but that was proving impossible. She would have jumped out of the car while it was still moving upon arrival, but her pregnant body never would have complied anyway. Trudi dropped Kim off at the closest entrance, but the number of ambulances rolling in and out of the ER entrance told Kim how bad the situation was. She made her way up to the admittance desk and watched as Maggie was yelling something to one of the other nurses.

"Maggie! Where is Adam?"

Maggie's shocked face told Kim that she was surprised to see her already.

"He's still in route. How did you get here already?"

"Platt." Maggie nodded and then grabbed her arm to try and steer her towards the waiting area. Just then the front doors flew open and Kim could see Jimmy on top of a gurney doing chest compressions as Brett and Dawson were pushing the stretcher into the ER. Jimmy was yelling out stats to Dr. Rhodes who came up to help push and then directed the group straight towards the OR.

Kim saw a flash of blonde hair and by the look in Brett and Dawson's eyes as they went by. Kim knew who it was. Maggie threw her arms around her as she went to lunge forward. Kim could hear a scream come from somewhere. It took her a minute to realize that it was her.

"They've got him. They've got him."

Maggie was holding Kim so tight as she tried to calm her, but she was having absolutely no luck. April came up and began to help try to console her. Kim finally collapsed down to the floor just as Voight and Lindsey came running in the door. Lindsey made a beeline for Kim and got down on the floor with her. Kim could see her own horror mirrored in Erin's eyes. Kim grabbed for Erin and allowed her friend to hold her together as her world was falling apart.

* * *

The whole unit was sitting around the waiting room and Kim just felt numb. Jimmy, Brett and Dawson had come down about fifteen minutes after they had gone up to the OR. Brett had come up and wrapped Kim in a huge hug. She had whispered into Kim's ear that they had got his heart started again in the elevator. He was fighting and to hold onto that. The three had to go and get back to the scene since there were more gun shot wounds and broken limbs that they were needed for.

The room now was just silent. The TV couldn't even penetrate her thoughts since every ounce of energy was focused on one thing. Adam. She could hear Halstead softly telling Atwater to stop something.

"I can't man." Jay huffed and shoved Kevin's shoulder slightly.

"How can you keep checking your watch. Your annoying the crap out of me."

Kevin just glared at him. "Have you not watched her."

Kevin pointed towards Kim and she had no idea why. "She keeps grimacing."

Jay was shrugging since he obviously didn't make a connection. Kim finally found her voice.

"I'm fine, Kevin."

Atwater shook his head. "No, you're not. Your doing that about every ten minutes and the grimace is now looking more and more like you are breathing through pain. We need to get her a doctor."

Kim gripped the arms of her chair to try and hold her temper. "I'm not leaving. Not till I know."

"What the hell, Kim. They can still check you out and update you. Do not make me man handle you into a treatment room."

Just then Jay's brother came into the waiting room. The whole group swiveled around and he put his hands up.

"I don't know anything. He's still in surgery. Dr. Rhodes has got it. If I could have anyone working on me with those types of injuries, it would be him. I just came in to check on Kim. Wanted to make sure she and the baby were handling this ok."

Kim was about to tell him that she was fine, when the whole group started filling Dr. Halstead in on what Atwater had been saying. Kim couldn't fight the whole group. She didn't have the strength.

Before Kim knew it, she was in a treatment room and was being hooked up to a fetal monitor. Dr. Manning had joined Dr. Halstead to start examining her. Kim didn't know where it came from, but she was pissed. She was not having this baby now. No way. Dr. Halstead told one of the nurses to start an IV line and he got out of her way. Dr. Manning was patiently watching the monitor. She turned to Kim and smiled.

"The baby looks like he is doing fine. We'll pull in an ultrasound to make sure and we'll call OB. Might have to push some medication to try and stop the labor since we want to try and get you to full term. I would say try and relax, but I doubt that is going to happen."

Kim shook her head. Nope. Not happening. Erin made her way into the room and grabbed Kim's free hand. The one that wasn't currently being stuck with a huge needle. Kim closed her eyes and began to pray. It was all she could do at that point. She had no control over anything and she felt Erin lean her head against hers. A knock at the door pulled the two women out of their prayer and the sight of Dr. Rhodes in the door way caused Kim's breath to catch. He looked exhausted and that scared the living daylights out of Kim. Then, the Dr. finally began to smile some.

"He's been stabilized. He had some internal bleeding from the crash which is why he coded. I got that stopped. His left ankle is fractured and the orthopedic had to go in and fix it to avoid further complications. The gunshot wound was a through and through so we just had to sew that up. All that and we are hoping just a mild concussion. He's in recovery right now, but once he's in a room we can let you see him. But... I'm guessing from all this that might not happen."

Kim felt her whole body relax and relief flood her system till she realized that she wasn't going any where. Dr. Rhodes cleared his throat.

"He's gonna be out for awhile. We've got him on some pretty good pain killers. Deal with this. He'll still be there. I doubt he'll even wake up before the morning."

Erin went and thanked the doctor for them. Kim leaned her head back and said a silent thank you. Now if Baby Ruzek would just get with the program.

* * *

 **The next morning**

The doctors were able to get Kim's labor to stop and she felt kinda stupid. Her sister had called and reminded her that she had gone through the same thing with Zoey. Kim was held for observation overnight and now she was free to go. Not that she was going anywhere. When they came with the wheelchair to discharge her, she told them that the only way she was getting in that thing was if it was taking her up to Adam's room. That was how she found herself in an elevator while sitting in a wheelchair with Atwater chuckling behind her.

"You're hating this."

Kim just nodded. She felt like she was perfectly capable of walking, but it was hospital policy or something.

"Has he woken up yet?"

Kevin just sighed. "No. I think he might be waiting for you."

Once the elevator doors opened, Atwater pushed Kim to Adam's room and she could feel her heart clinch. He was still sleeping and the extent of his injuries was written all over his body. His right arm was in a sling and the bandage from the gun shot wound was covering his shoulder. His left ankle was in some kind of protective boot with it elevated in a sling. An IV was in his left hand and other bandages from road rash peppered different parts of his body.

Kim looked to the one chair in the room and saw Adam's Dad fast asleep in it. Atwater pushed her chair up to the side of the bed, so at least Kim could reach his left hand. It was the one with the IV, but she felt like she could hold it without hurting him more. His skin looked pale and she noted that they were giving him a blood transfusion through another tube. Kim began to lightly rub his forearm as she felt a tear slide down her cheek. Atwater squeezed her shoulder and then said something about getting coffee.

The whole 21st precinct must have heard about Adam because now that Kim truly looked around, all she saw was a wall of blue. Members of the club that Adam had been with were in this hospital and the brotherhood of cops would do what was needed to keep Adam's cover. The members of the bike club would know that there was a cop in there, but they would be none the wiser that it was Adam. The blinds on the windows had been shut and Atwater made a point to shut the door to the room when he left. That action is what woke Bob Ruzek up.

Adam's Dad sat up and smiled at Kim when he noted her presence. He stood up and made his way to the other side of the bed. "The doctor stopped in earlier this morning. He said he would expect him to wake up sometime this morning. Are you going to be here for awhile?"

Kim nodded and Bob went in search of breakfast for them both. Kim didn't know how long she sat there just holding Adam's hand and stroking his forearm. A slight movement caused Kim to hold her breath. His hand twitched in her's slightly and Kim looked up. She squeezed back hoping to see those brown eyes open. She began to think it was a fluke but then she felt it again and noted his eyelashes begin to flutter. Kim squeezed his hand again and allowed his name to fall from her lips on a whisper. Adam's eyes flew open and then he groaned. She could tell that he had gone to move his right arm and was paying for it.

"Hey. Stay still. Just relax. I'm here. I'm here."

Adam rolled his head back towards her and met her gaze for the first time.

"Kim."

Her name came out on a croak, but it was the sweetest sound she had ever heard.

"Hey, babe. I love you."

Adam smiled slightly as he closed his eyes and shook his head. He opened them back up and pulled his eyebrows together as if trying to figure something out.

"Why are you in a wheel chair? Are the drugs making me hallucinate?"

Kim laughed. She kissed the palm of his hand and then held it to her cheek.

"No, you are not hallucinating. Don't worry about me. Just heal up. Ok. We can deal with that later."

Adam shook his head which Kim could tell made him hurt like hell.

"No. Not, later. Now."

Kim knew that in the position she was that he couldn't see her stomach. He was watching her face where she still had his hand against her cheek. Kim took his hand away from her cheek and leaned back. Adam began to protest until he made contact with her stomach. Kim saw the utter shock that consumed him clear as day in his eyes, but she also saw when he felt his son kick back. The breath came out of his lips and his eyes filled with tears.

"Baby.", was the only word that came out of his mouth before the tears over flowed his eyelids and Kim nodded back. "Yes, our baby."

Adam closed his eyes and cursed. "I want to hold you so badly right now."

Kim used her feet to pull up the foot rests and got up from the chair. It was a struggle to get up to sit on the side of the bed between trying to avoid Adam's ankle and her decreased mobility. But when she got there, she knew she could at least give him a better view of her. Adam began to lightly rub her stomach as he was making his first connections with their son. Adam looked up at her and she knew what he wanted to know. "It's a boy." That brought out the first full grin to his face she had seen and it was quite the sight. Kim leaned forward as best as she could and lightly pressed her lips to his. She would have loved to extended it, but the position she was in was just not sustainable. Sitting back up, Kim shook her head.

"You need a hair cut." Adam smiled back. 'I'm sure I do."

"He needs more than that. A shave would help to." Kim looked to the door and smiled as Bob Ruzek made his way in the door with a bag and two cups of some kind of hot liquid. He handed one to Kim and she took a small sip of what she guessed was chamomile tea.

"I can not wait to be able to have real coffee again." Adam just stared at the two of them.

"You two seem cozy." Kim laughed. "I've had four months to get to know him." Adam grinned and began doing circles with his finger tip on her stomach. The door to the room opened again and Dr. Rhodes walked in.

"I thought I heard voices in here. Can you two give me a minute to look over my patient."

Kim began to get off the bed and Bob came over quickly to help her. They got out of the doctor's way and just watched as he began poking and prodding at Adam.

* * *

The day after, Kim made her way into Adam's room and found herself transfixed. Adam was actually sitting up on the edge of the bed and his Dad was helping him shave his beard by holding a mirror for his son. Adam was facing away from her so he didn't see her come in. Kim couldn't take her eyes off of Adam's back. She found herself fascinated with all the new muscle he had gained and the artwork now curving all over the upper part. Kim had never considered herself a tattoo girl, but on Adam...oh man! She shook her head and made herself finally walk in the door when she realized that the men were almost done and would notice her staring.

Bob came over and gave Kim a hug before excusing himself to return the mirror he had borrowed to the nurses. Kim figured that he was just making an excuse to give her and Adam a chance to talk. Adam had his crooked smile going as Kim directed her attention back to him. "So?"

Kim smiled before she walked around the bed and up to Adam. "I didn't mind the beard."

Adam laughed. "Not what I was talking about. I could see you in the mirror, you know."

Kim could feel her cheeks redden slightly. "That's quite a bit of ink."

Adam continued to stare at her as he waited for her to comment further. "You can pull it off."

Adam patted the bed next to him and Kim made her way over and sat down. She still felt like she was in a bit of a dream having him right there in front of her. The touch of his finger tips on her face as he pushed some of her hair behind her ear was a balm to her soul and she welcomed the soft kiss that quickly followed. As Adam pulled back, he continued to hold her cheek in his hand.

His voice was a soft whisper as he spoke, "I keep worrying that I'm going to wake up and you are going to be gone. Does that make any sense?"

Kim nodded her head in his hand. She knew exactly what he meant. "I'm not going any where."

Adam smiled and then looked down. He moved his hand to her stomach and just let it sit there. When he looked back up into her eyes, Kim saw something that she hated to see tormenting him. Regret and an apology. "Kim, I am..."

Kim placed her hand over top of his and interrupted him. "No apologies. You didn't know and couldn't. I knew that, Adam. Besides, if you start apologizing for being gone then I have to start apologizing for all the stuff you missed and we would be at it all day."

Kim could see Adam biting his cheek and she knew he was trying to not argue. She would prefer to steer the conversation to safer territory, but they really didn't have time for that now.

"So, Dr. Rhodes stopped me on the way in and told me that you will probably be discharged in a week or so. As soon as you get your strength back and can walk around with that boot. Do you know where you are going to go? I mean the docs don't want you to be alone initially, so I was just asking..."

Kim knew she was rambling even as she was doing it and she should have expected Adam's preferred method to shut her up. But just like every other time, each touch of his lips on hers would stall her for a word or two and then she would finally give in. Kim's mind was blissfully blank when he finally stopped and had leaned back slightly to admire his handiwork. She sighed, "That is so not fair." Adam just chuckled.

"I was kind of hoping to go home with the woman carrying my child, but only if she will have me."

Kim smirked. "She'll have you, but only because you didn't call her baby momma."

Adam cupped Kim's cheek again, "Well, I'm glad I passed that test. I'll apologize in advance if I refer to you as my old lady. I have been surrounded by bikers for the last eight months."

"Eight months, three weeks and two days, but whose counting."

"I imagine you've been counting for more than one reason. How has the pregnancy gone? Everything been okay?"

"Amazingly, yes. Been blissfully normal. Till the other night when I went into early labor, but they were able to stop it before it got too far."

Kim could see the dawning realization in Adam's eyes. "That's why you were in the wheelchair. I caused that."

Kim shook her head, "No. My sister went through the same thing. It wasn't you."

Adam gritted his teeth, "But I sure as hell didn't help."

Kim was about to remind him again that he had no idea what was going on when there was a knock at the door. The physical therapist was there to work with Adam. Kim had to table the conversation for now and it bothered her. She hoped that once Adam got home that they would be able to concentrate on healing. Not just physically, but mentally as well.


	10. Nine months and a few days

**AN:** Yes, he is home. Thank you so much for all the reviews! I know the last chapter was highly anticipated. I also want to thank everyone that read and reviewed my other story Stages of Grief. If you haven't already, please check it out.

* * *

 **Nine months and a few days.**

The previous day, Adam had been determined to walk in that damn boot by the evening. However, his head was still occasionally woozy from the pain killers and that had made accomplishing that goal tricky. He'd finally been able to walk the designated distance for the PT during the afternoon session, but then she decided to move the goal posts on him. Why did he tell her that his old apartment was on the second floor? He had tried to backtrack his statement and told her that he would be going to Kim's. That her building had an elevator, but the physical torture specialist hadn't wanted to hear a thing about that. No discharge till he could negotiate stairs. That's why he now found himself the following morning going up and down a flight of steps while the PT tried to make sure he wasn't going to fall. Adam looked towards the top of the flight and saw Dr. Rhodes standing there.

"I was wondering where you ran off to. Get up those steps and I have your discharge papers right here. Just need her signature."

Adam glared at the PT and she just shrugged her shoulders.

"Get moving, 5-0. The sooner you get up there the sooner you go home."

Adam took a deep breath and put one foot in front of the other.

The ride home was quiet as Atwater drove with him sitting in the passenger seat. Kevin told him that Kim was at home waiting for them. The only reason she had not been there to pick him up was that she had an appointment with the OB already scheduled. Adam had refused to let her reschedule it. He couldn't handle the thought of her putting off an appointment that was scheduled to make sure that she and the baby were doing ok. Their wellbeing was his top and only priority. Adam finally couldn't handle not asking Kevin the questions that he had really wanted answered.

"Kev, Man. Be honest with me. How has Kim been doing since I've been gone?"

Kevin went to say something and seemed to think better of it. "She's held herself together. We all tried to step up in our own way to help her. She's had her moments, man. Honestly, we all have. I think we all started to wonder if you were ever coming back. I'm just glad you're finally here."

Adam took that in as he watched the city go by. "I'm assuming Voight and Olinsky were told..."

"Kim told Olinsky before she told Platt. I'm betting I know your next question. Did they tell the task force she was pregnant? I don't know. I assume so, but I couldn't tell you, Man."

Adam mulled that over as they pulled up to Kim's building. "Thanks, Kev. Thanks for being here."

"No problem. Want me to walk up with you, or you cool?"

Adam smiled, "I'm cool. See you later."

* * *

Adam made his way to Kim's door and paused. He had imagined this moment a hundred of times while he was under, but had never imagined that he would be getting out of the hospital to do it. He had barely knocked on the door when it came open. The smile on Kim's face was a sight for sore eyes and as quickly as he could he stepped through that door and pulled her into a hug. He shut the door behind him and just held her as they stood in the entryway. Leaning forward, he placed a kiss on the top of her head and allowed the coconut scent of her shampoo to invade his nose.

"How are you feeling?" Adam shook his head at Kim's question.

"I feel like I should be asking you that. I'm fine. How are you? How's the baby?"

Kim took his hand and started to pull him further into the apartment without answering. Adam was ready to complain till he figured out where she was headed. Walking down the hallway towards Kim's bedroom, Adam got a brief glimpse of the nursery that was fully set up. Adam's heart felt like it was being squeezed since he wished he could have been there to do that for her. Kim gently pulled on Adam's arm to get him to keep following her. Not that he would have needed much persuasion. Kim got up on the bed and laid down on her left side. She patted the spot next to her and Adam gingerly sat down. Kim then pulled her shirt up enough so that Adam could see her stomach and she took his left hand and placed it on her skin.

"He's not moving as much, but that's normal. The doctor said this morning that he's already turned, so it's just a waiting game now."

Adam could see in Kim's eyes that she had more to say but that she was keeping her emotions in check to get it out. "I've wanted you here so badly. I wanted you here to experience all of this."

Adam finally slid down onto his right side and ignored the sharp pain that initially hit his shoulder. He needed to be able to look straight in her eyes. "I've wanted to be here. God, Kim. You are the strongest person I have ever known."

Adam watched as Kim reached up to place her hand on his cheek. He could have stayed there forever. Just being with her and memorizing the way she looked in that moment. But life had other plans. Adam could feel his burner phone begin to vibrate that he had a call. He was tempted to just let it ring, but he knew that if it was Steve the sooner he took the call and got his debrief scheduled the sooner this would all be over. He fished the phone out of his pocket and looked down at the screen. The number was blocked, but that didn't faze him. Adam sat up and answered the call. He knew his body tensed the second he heard the voice on the other end since Kim sat up next to him and placed her hand on his back.

"Kid, where have you been? Were you able to get away?"

"Tiny? I've been in the hospital, Man. What's going on?"

"Did the cops not detain you? They are holding about half of our guys."

Adam cursed. He hadn't been thinking completely. In his brain, he was done. Apparently not. If the task force hadn't picked Tiny up, that meant that they were missing a pretty big fish.

"They talked to me some after I got out of surgery. I guess I lost my stash in the crash. They didn't have anything to hold me on. I didn't tell them anything."

"I know that. Get back to the cook house. We may need to ride out of town. You able to ride?"

"Nah. Broken ankle. I'll try and get there. Give me an hour."

"Ok. We can't wait any longer than that."

Adam ended the call and felt his stomach clench. Part of him hated that he would be effectively selling Tiny out. The man had helped Adam navigate the club from the get go, but the job didn't care about any of that. Tiny was the ringleader of most of the drug and gun trade that the club did. He wasn't innocent. Adam felt Kim get up off the bed. She was looking out the window with her back to him when he finally looked up. He could tell by the set of her shoulders that she was not happy.

"I'm not going, Kim. The task force can handle it. I can give them the address."

Kim turned slightly and he could tell that she was still not completely convinced.

"Kim, I'm injured. What am I going to do?"

Kim covered her face with her hands and shook her head. As she dropped her hands, Adam watched her let out her held breath. "I know. I'm sorry. I just..."

Adam got up and made his way to her. He wrapped his left arm around her and she buried her face into his neck as he rubbed her back.

"Darlin, I get it. You've been expecting the worst for the last eight months."

He could feel Kim shake her head and then she pulled back to look up into his eyes.

"I'm just ready for this to be over with. I want us to... have time to deal with us."

That was a kick to the stomach in a way for Adam, but he knew that she was right. They weren't exactly whole when he left and a baby was not going to fix things for them. Adam kissed her and felt her relax into him slightly. He knew that she was trying to protect herself now. That phone call had been a slap of reality for them both. Adam pulled back and held up his phone.

"Let me make this call. Then we can talk. Ok?"

Kim nodded and left the room. Adam pinched the bridge of his nose and then dialed Steve.

* * *

Kim kept herself busy in the kitchen while Adam made his call. She was restless and nervous. Yep, that was it. She had been that way all day. Waiting for Adam to come home. It was strange. You would think that she would just be happy and excited. What people don't think about is the fact that a lot changes when you are separated from someone for that long. Kim was worried that maybe too much had changed. She grabbed some leftovers out of the fridge and popped them in the microwave to heat up for lunch. The amount of food that had been brought over by the unit, Atwater's Mom and Adam's step mother was in danger of out pacing their ability to eat it. Kim leaned back against the counter and waited for the food to heat while contemplating what she was feeling.

The call had scared her. Instead of thinking of the situation rationally, she had jumped to the conclusion that the task force would just take Adam away again. She hadn't even considered the fact that Adam might actually have a say in the matter. Kim bit her lip at that realization. Was she really that insecure? That thought unsettled her and made her zone out Adam's footsteps as he made his way into the kitchen.

"Well, they are going to take care of it."

Kim heard his statement through the fog in her brain and it took her a minute to respond. "Um.. good." She finally looked up and Adam looked concerned.

"You sure about that? You didn't sound very convincing."

The beeping of the microwave brought Kim completely out of her zoned out state and she went to go open the door. Adam stopped her with a hand placed over hers and he nodded his head in the direction of her kitchen table.

"I'll take care of this. You go sit."

Kim admitted defeat and did as she was told. Adam made quick work of dishing out what she had heated up and sat down next to her.

"What's up, Kim? You gotta talk to me."

Kim took a deep breath and decided that she better start being honest. Completely, honest. "I'm nervous and worried. I've been in full on nesting mode all morning and my appointment was the only thing that took my mind off things. I'm worried that all the time that has gone by... I don't know how to put it into words."

Adam smiled slightly and then cocked his head to the side. Kim could see amusement in his eyes and was ready to get defensive, but she wasn't prepared for what he said.

"Worried that I might not love you anymore? That is not in any way possible. I thought about you every day that I was gone. It was the main thing that helped me remember who I really was. I'm not saying that this assignment hasn't changed me."

Kim could feel herself holding her breath and she looked away. This is what she had been worried about hearing. What had changed. Adam took Kim's hand to get her attention again and she waited to see if her heart could take what he had to say.

"Kim, you can't tell me that this time apart hasn't changed you to?"

Seriously? Was he kidding?

Adam chuckled, "That's not what I'm talking about. Even if there wasn't the baby, could this time have gone by and not changed you?"

Kim shook her head. Of course not. Adam laced his fingers with hers and once again was trying to get her attention. When had she become so nervous that she could hardly look at him?

"Baby, do you love me?"

"Yes." There was no hesitation for her in that answer. She had missed him even before he had left. There was no question in that.

"Then we have something in common. I love you. Maybe that needs to be enough right now." Now was the time for her to admit part of her biggest fear.

"What if that isn't enough? What if all of our baggage that we didn't deal with before just gets in the way again?"

Adam looked to be truly considering what she said. However, when he looked back at her she saw a strength in his eyes that she had never recalled seeing before.

"That could happen, but only if we let it."

She got it. He was right. Maybe this time would be different. She had to have faith that maybe the time apart had changed them in a good way. Kim felt herself nod and then she felt the smile on her face at her next thought.

"When did you get so smart?"

"This isn't just a pretty face. Besides, you'd be surprised at the people you meet in a biker gang. Eat."

Kim finally picked up her fork and began to eat. And she tried to focus on the positive.

* * *

The phone call that came when they were done eating was the last thing Adam wanted. Tiny and the gang were gone from the cook house that Adam had given the task force. Steve insisted on having Adam come into the district to meet him. That had truly pissed Adam off. He felt like he was finally getting Kim to talk to him and he had to deal with this. Convincing her to come with him had been easy since he was still on pain killers and wasn't supposed to drive. He also just didn't want her out of his sight.

Walking into the district for the first time, was a strange experience. It was all so familiar and foreign at the same time. Platt actually smiled at him which just made him nervous. As he started to head towards the stairs with Kim at his side, Roman and another officer began to head down. Adam only nodded to acknowledge Roman's presence and he did the same. Or Adam thought that was all Roman was going to do.

"Welcome back, Ruzek. It's good to see you."

Adam looked to see the hand that Roman was extending to him and if it had been eight months ago he probably would have just stared at it and left Roman hanging. But this wasn't eight months ago and he wasn't that man anymore. He took it and buried the hatchet with Roman at the same time.

"Thanks, Man. New partner?"

Roman nodded. "Officer Stevenson. This is Officer Adam Ruzek. The one I've been telling you has been undercover."

The young officer shook Adam's hand and then the two let Kim and Adam go. When he looked back at Kim, she was smiling back at him. "What?"

Kim just shook her head, "Just, wow. I was not expecting that."

Adam laughed. "What? You thought I was going to punch him?"

"No, just not that."

Adam put his arm around her shoulders and started them moving back towards their destination. "I know where I stand. Time has a tendency to give you perspective."

Adam put his combination into the key pad and then placed his hand on the palm reader. He half expected to be denied entry, but the gate buzzed and the two of them headed in. Adam in that moment was actually glad that the PT had required him to take that flight of steps. Negotiating them in a walking boot with a fixated ankle did take some practice.

The bull pen was unusually busy since the unit was still compiling paperwork from all the men they had arrested during the roundup. Adam let Kim head over to Erin as he went straight into Voight's office. He could see that Steve had been there awhile since the man's jacket was on the back of one of Voight's guest chairs and the man was pacing. Steve pointed to Voight's door, "Shut it."

Voight glared at the man. "I don't recall this being your office. My unit can hear anything and if you think you are going to go after him, you have another thing coming. He did his job. He can't help it if your task force let one slip."

Adam could see that Steve was ready to start in on Voight, so he figured he would diffuse this first.

"Look, why am I here? If you wanted to question me on this, I'm pretty sure we could have done it over the phone."

Steve walked up to Adam and got in his face. "I wanted to be able to look you in the eye and make sure that you were being honest with me. Cause I got to wonder when the one man that you were closest to in the club gives us the slip, if it is because you let it happen."

Adam could feel his blood boil. The man had some nerve.

"Honest?! Truth?! I've got no reason to lie to you. I want done. I've wanted out. You want to talk about honesty. How about you tell me when you knew about Kim? Huh?"

Steve stepped back and Adam knew. He'd spent enough time with the man to know when he was hiding. Adam didn't even think about it. Didn't even consciously remember making the decision. His left fist connected with Steve's jaw and then Voight was between the two of them. Adam's hand stung and he shook it to try and get the feeling out. Steve was righting himself and looked like he was ready to come back at Adam, but with Voight in the way the agent thought better of it.

Voight grabbed Steve's jacket and handed it to him. "Get out of my office. You are done questioning him. If we find anything on this Tiny, we will let you know."

Steve walked out of the office and slammed Voight's door on his way out. Adam waited for Voight to admonish him or something. Voight's smile and retort ended up making him laugh.

"Thanks for that. I've been wanting to do that to him for a while, but didn't think it was my place."

Adam sat down in one of Voight's chairs and began giving him everything he knew about Tiny.

* * *

Adam and Voight were now in front of the unit giving them the low down on Tiny. It felt good for Adam to be back with the people that he knew had his back. Mouse had immediately gotten into his burner phone to try and trace the blocked number that Tiny had used. Luckily for them, Tiny wasn't the smartest when it came to hiding his digital trail, so Mouse was making quick work of tracking the phone down. Adam was giving the group a rundown of who he thought might be with Tiny based off the people they had questioned and released and who was missing from the statements.

Mouse had just gotten notice of the phone being in use and that he'd have a location in five minutes when Adam looked over towards Kim. She had been sitting in Erin's chair for the whole of the briefing and he had made a point of checking on her throughout. This time he could tell that something was wrong. Making his way over to her, he kneeled down in front of her and saw her gritting her teeth. "Kim?" She shook her head and then breathed out. "I'm ok. Their still ten minutes apart." Adam couldn't believe this.

"You didn't think to say something?" Kim looked to him and shrugged.

"I didn't want to alarm anyone unless I needed to." Mouse chimed in that he would have the number in about sixty seconds. Apparently, Tiny was keeping his conversation long which would help the team. Adam kept his eyes on Kim as the rest of the team was working their phones. Mouse had just yelled that he had Tiny's location when Adam saw Kim grit her teeth again.

"That wasn't ten minutes. Kim?" She nodded. "This one came early," came out as she was straining to keep quiet. Adam stood up and turned towards Kevin's desk.

"Kevin! Yo, man. We need your help." Even though Adam had only called Atwater, the whole team froze what they were doing and looked at Kim and Adam.

Adam shrugged, "Anyone think they could give us a ride?" Kevin immediately headed their way.

"Ok, I'm out of this one. Got to take a woman and her man to see about a baby." Kevin slapped Adam's shoulder and then it all hit Adam. Oh God. This was really happening. He was frozen in place as the full reality sunk in. Adam could hear Kevin helping Kim up and that was when he made eye contact with Olinsky. The man was actually smiling and he pulled his toothpick out of his mouth.

"You might want to get moving, kid. Or they're going to leave without you."

Adam nodded and then turned as quickly as he could to hobble after them.

* * *

Kim was exhausted. Absolutely and utterly exhausted. She would be asleep except that she could not take her eyes off of the site in front of her. Adam was holding their son and he had the same look that she was sure she had when she finally got to hold him in her arms. It was awe. There was no other word to describe it. Absolute awe. He must have felt her staring because Adam finally dragged his gaze in her direction.

"You should be sleeping. This little guy isn't going to let us get much of that from what I hear."

Kim could feel a full smile spread across her face. Her cheeks were going to start hurting from the number of times she had done that this evening.

"I can't. I love watching you with him."

Adam came over and sat down on the edge of her bed. Kim looked down as their son looked like he was concentrating hard on sleeping. His head was already full of blonde hair and he had big brown eyes. He was a combination of them both. The whole unit had already been in to see them after catching Tiny and the remainder of the gang. Adam's assignment was officially over. The task force would take it from there.

"We aren't going anywhere. Close your eyes. I promise to stay right here."

Kim let her eyes close, but she kept her hand resting on Adam's leg. Sleep took her quickly with the comfort of knowing they were close.

* * *

 **Post AN:** Don't worry. This isn't the last chapter. You've got one more.


	11. 8 weeks later

**AN:** Once again, thank you thank you thank you for the responses and the views!

* * *

 **8 weeks later**

Adam could not believe the amount of time that had flown by. Between taking care of a newborn and his physical therapy appointments, time seemed to be getting away from him. Kim's paid leave was almost up and he could tell that she was getting apprehensive at leaving their son. She had the option of taking unpaid leave, but she had been unwilling to talk about taking it. Adam wasn't sure where that was coming from. Between the two of them, they would be fine for money, but he could bet that was not the issue. For the time being, he was letting her off the hook.

Adam shut the truck door after getting out and waited for Kim to get Matthew from the back seat. They had debated for a couple days on names, but in the end Kim had insisted that they name him after Adam's cousin. Adam could feel himself instinctively reach for his chain with the thought. He squeezed his cousin's dog tag and Kim's rings for a second before putting his hand back in his pocket. Kim finally had wrangled Matthew's carrier out of the back of the truck and the two of them headed up the front walk of Bob Ruzek's house. Adam knew that his Dad was probably just getting back from his shift and would enjoy the visit before he had to get some sleep. His Dad answered the door and quickly ushered them both into the house. Kim had just sat the carrier down and was going to get Matthew out when Bob interrupted her.

"Kim, I'll do it. Grace is upstairs and I believe she has something for you."

Kim stopped messing with the buckles and backed away. She came up and placed a light kiss on Adam's cheek before leaving to go find Grace. Adam knew something was up.

"Were you trying to get rid of her on purpose?"

Bob Ruzek now had his grandson tucked safely in his arms and Adam had never seen a bigger smile on his Pop's face.

"Why would you say that? Is it wrong for me to want some quality time with you and my grandson? Tell me Matthew. Why does your mother still not have a ring on her finger?"

Adam groaned. "Seriously? This is the conversation you want to have right now."

Bob walked over to his recliner and sat down without disturbing a sleeping Matthew in the slightest. Adam watched his Dad raise an eyebrow at him and Adam gave in.

"We haven't exactly had much time to have the conversations needed to take that step. We're living together."

Adam saw the fatherly disapproval written all over his Dad's face. "You know that's not the same thing. What's holding you up, son? What has you so against it?"

"I'm not against it. I want to be married. To her. I'm not going to make the same mistake that I made the last time. I just want to make sure we are both on the same page. She had me so confused the first time, Pop. One minute wanting to push it off and then the next wanting to set a date like tomorrow wasn't soon enough. I don't know. Things are going so well. I guess I'm just a bit nervous to do anything to change that."

"I can understand that. Are you sure that you aren't also worried about making your parent's mistakes?"

Adam was shocked. He wasn't sure if it was shock that his father was admitting to making them or the fact that his father knew his son's deepest fear.

"Adam, I know your mother and I did not make the divorce easy on you. If I could go back and change one thing in my life, that would be it. We did not handle it well. I won't place blame on your mother. It took both of us to make that happen. However, if you were to ask me if I regretted being married to your mother? Absolutely not. I loved her and I got you. And now this little guy. I cannot promise you that it will be easy. Grace and I have a wonderful marriage and I wouldn't trade it for the world. We still have to work at it. Have you talked with Kim about our family?"

Adam could feel the shame of not doing something he knew he should have written all over his face.

"No. I've alluded, but I haven't spelled it out."

Matthew fussed slightly and Bob shifted his arms to help the baby settle again. "You need to son. I'm sure Kim has her own baggage. It might help if you make the first step. As scary as that might be."

Adam took that in and found himself acknowledging the truth. His fear had caused him to fall on bad habits before and just going with the flow was one of them. Kim came back into the room at that time holding a shopping bag.

"Bob, seriously. You guys are spoiling him before he is even old enough to know it."

Bob's chuckle warmed Adam's heart. "It's a grandparent's job. Kim, could you do me a huge favor. I know this won't be easy. Could you get my son out of my hair and let me have some alone time with my grandson? Just an hour. I think that would be enough."

Adam could see that Kim wasn't exactly thrilled about leaving their son, but Adam suddenly saw what his Dad was doing. He wasn't just giving his son the push he needed to deal with his issues. He was trying to help Kim as well. Adam took Kim's hand and squeezed it.

"Darlin, if we can't leave him for an hour, how are we going to go back to work?"

Kim looked up into Adam's eyes and he could see her try to build her strength.

"Ok, only cause your Dad wants rid of you."

Adam let out an exasperated breath. "I really can't take this from you both. Let's go. I'll show you around the neighborhood."

Adam pulled Kim out of the house and began to give her a walking tour of the neighborhood he grew up in half the time. As they made their way to the local playground, Adam pulled Kim over to the swings and they both took a seat. The playground was mostly deserted except for a Mom and her two kids that were taking turns going down the slides and climbing up the miniature rock wall.

"I use to hang out here when my parents were fighting. I could always tell when they were getting ready to start cause my Mom's voice would get really short and tense. I'd head out the back door and make my way here. We lived in a different house. It's about a block away from here."

Adam sensed that Kim had stopped swaying on the swing so she could listen to him. He always found it funny how it was human nature to turn down other senses when we wanted to concentrate on something. In this case, it made him slightly uncomfortable cause he knew that she was paying attention.

"My Mom's bipolar. I know I never told you that. It caused a lot of fights. Its caused a lot of things to happen. She's been in a depressive phase lately. It's why she hasn't contacted you while I was gone."

Adam finally looked over and saw the concern written all over Kim's face. "Adam...I'm..."

Adam shook his head. "You don't have to. I've grown up with it, Kim. It's my normal. My Mom was the rollercoaster ride and my Dad was the Sunday afternoon cruise. That's the best way I can explain it. I guess what I'm trying to tell you is... I think I was scared for a really long time that I was going to make my parents mistakes. Or that I was too much like my Mom or my Dad. I don't know. I just knew I came from a life that was anything but settled and settling down before you just felt wrong."

"And now?" Adam could see hope and fear mixed in Kim's eyes.

"Now, there is no one I can imagine doing that with but you. It's the only thing I want to do. But, I also know that we both have to be ready for that."

Adam could see the tears threatening to spill over Kim's eyes.

"I'm not asking for anything to change yet, but I want you to know that when you are ready. I'm with you, finally." Adam saw the small smile grace Kim's face and he leaned forward to wipe away the tears that had fallen down her cheeks. Adam got up from the swing and took Kim's hand to help her up. They walked back towards his father's house and just took in the neighborhood without speaking. Just as they got to the front walk, Kim stopped Adam with a slight tug on his hand.

"Thank you for telling me all that." Adam cupped Kim's face in his hands and placed a light kiss on her lips. For the first time, Adam felt truly stripped. He was giving in. He was done fighting what he knew was inevitable. He was completely and irreversibly in love with this woman and building walls to protect his heart was pointless.

* * *

Later, that night Kim stood in front of the bathroom mirror brushing her hair and looking back on what Adam had told her that afternoon. Something had stuck with her. He said that they both had to be ready to take that next step. The gentle pull of the brush through her hair was a comforting gesture while dealing with an uncomfortable truth. Had she even truly been ready before? It was a good question. She loved him. Yes, but had she been truly ready to commit to him fully if the simple reality of learning that he had been engaged twice before had sent her into a tailspin. He had explained his past and been open about it. For most people that would have been enough.

Why had she freaked out? Fear. Plain and simple fear. That she wasn't enough. Her own parent's relationship suddenly felt so much more relevant. Her relationship with her father anyway. Sure, he called. Once or twice a year. Hell, he didn't even know about Matthew. Kim closed her eyes and let that hurt sink in. She had tried to call him, but he had never called her back. If his relationship with Zoe was any indication, the news would not change much in terms of contact.

Kim opened her eyes and looked at her reflection in the mirror. Her eyes were her father's. The same eyes her son had. She knew she shared other traits her father had. Like trying to cut people off when she felt they had hurt her. Admitting that was hard. Like a cannonball through a stone wall. It left a mark. Kim saw Adam come to stand in the doorway through the mirror.

"Baby, what's wrong?"

Kim held Adam's gaze in the mirror as she finally found herself admitting the truth. "You weren't the only one that was scared, Adam."

Kim turned around and faced him. He deserved at least that. "I love you so much. I was so scared I was going to lose you. That I was just like the others and you would move on."

Kim tucked her freshly brushed hair behind her ear and continued on.

"I tested you instead of talking to you about what was really going on. I set you up to fail because I knew if you had any idea how insecure I was, you would bolt."

Kim swallowed the tears that were coming and willed herself to continue.

"My father left my mother when he finally saw her at her weakest. He left and he never looked back. I'm that required call that he makes to make himself feel better. I..."

Kim closed her eyes to try and get herself back on her train of thought. The touch of Adam hands gently cupping her face brought her eyes back open. The absolute look of love in his eyes were her undoing.

"I'm sorry, Adam. I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough then to trust in us."

Adam's lips crushed down on hers and she took him in like a starving man that just found food. They had been so tentative around each other before this. Gentle touches. Sweet kisses. This was need. This was them. In the eight weeks since he had been back they had been careful and safe with each other. Never mind the last six when being intimate was out of the question. Adam's touch wasn't careful anymore. It was sure, determined, and familiar. He was showing her that he wasn't going anywhere. He was reminding her of what their love was. Kim found herself drowning in it. Taking it all in and allowing herself to truly enjoy it without that wall of fear.

Later, as she lay on Adam's chest with the feel of his arms around her she realized something. Their eight months apart had truly changed her. In that whole eight months he had been gone, she had not once questioned whether or not he loved her. She had known. The fear upon his return had been a simple fear of repeating past mistakes. Love was a leap of faith. Little did she know but she had taken it the night of Platt's wedding. She had thrown herself off the ledge because the fear had no longer been strong enough to hold her.

Kim fingered the rings on Adam's chain. You are the reason. That he was. Kim singled out her engagement ring and then looked up at Adam. She had felt his eyes on her the whole time she had been messing with it.

"I want this back."

It was blunt. It was short. But it was the truth.

"I'll give it to you on one condition."

Kim narrowed her eyes at Adam's ultimatum. "Name it."

"We make a decision on the date right now and not later. I'm not going through that again."

Kim smiled and decided to call Adam on his dare. "How about next Friday? I bet we can find a judge to do it."

Adam's smirk was the best answer she could have gotten. "Done."

Adam pulled the chain over his head and detached her engagement ring from it. He slid her ring back in place and they sealed the agreement with a kiss. Kim was sure that there would have been more, but the soft whimpering of their son through the baby monitor was a sure sign that whaling would be next. Kim went to get up, but Adam held her back.

"I'll get him. You stay. I'll bring him to you if he needs what I can't give."

Kim laid back down and waited while listening to Adam try and sooth their son through the baby monitor. If it could, Kim was pretty sure that her heart would burst from being so full. Adam made his way into the room with Matthew in his arms and got back into bed.

"I think he is hungry."

Kim took him from Adam and then once he was situated nursed their son while lying in Adam's arms. It had taken awhile. But they were finally there. Her family. They were here.

Here with me.

* * *

 **Post AN:** Thank you to everyone that has responded and been with me on this journey. You all have absolutely blown me away with the response and views for this story. I took a leap of faith myself when I posted the first story on here. You all have made it worth the risk. I look forward to continuing to write for you and your reactions. I will see you over on Stages of Grief.


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